


home is the people you love, not the places you've been

by purplesucculent



Category: The Old Guard (Comics)
Genre: Ace!Nile, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Bi!Booker, Fluff, M/M, Mild Angst, a road trip bc we're stuck inside and i'm sad, bi!nicky, booker and joe best friend supremacy, families having issues but always loving each other because i just need everyone to care rn ok?, fuck it all of them are why not, happy ending!, just lots and lots of caring about each other, mild mentions of homophobia/internalised homophobia, nicky and joe are both polyglots to fuel my passion for languages, soft times my friends, this is my story i can do what i want, two people liking each other so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29767011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplesucculent/pseuds/purplesucculent
Summary: They’d first met in Lisbon, somewhere along the boat-crowded marina.“Here, let me help,” Joe said in stunted Portuguese, leaning down to pick up the photos that had scattered across the floor having slipped out of Nicky’s hands moments before.“Muito obrigado,” Nicky began, not quite knowing how to say that this was where the lengths his Portuguese extended themselves to.Chuckling as he watched Nicky flail in mid-air (rather endearingly for a stranger, he thought), reaching for the remaining photos, Joe replied “De nada. Do you speak English by any chance?”“Unfortunately, I do speak the wretched language,” Nicky answered, finally catching his pictures and taking the ones Joe had caught from his outstretched hand, fingers lightly brushing alongside each other, igniting a fire in Nicky’s chest.or: joe and nicky are twenty-somethings having life crises for a plethora of reasons, meet on a road trip (technically train trip) as they're travelling through europe, they fall in love and care about each other so, so much.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, blink and you'll miss it andy x quynh - Relationship
Comments: 13
Kudos: 69





	1. LISBOA

**Author's Note:**

> ok so, this was me vicariously living through these two because i'm two seconds away from fleeing the country and getting the eurostar, as one does.
> 
> plus i rewatched rabat and it gave me incredible envy of being able to go outside and travel so...
> 
> i thought it would be cute if they found each other in some random fucking location and fell in love, you know, romcom style, so this happened. it originally wasn't going to be fuckin 20k+ but here we are, hello hyperfixation how are you doing today?
> 
> i hope y'all enjoy!

They’d first met in Lisbon, somewhere along the boat-crowded marina.

“Here, let me help,” Joe said in stunted Portuguese, leaning down to pick up the photos that had scattered across the floor having slipped out of Nicky’s hands moments before.

“ _Muito obrigado_ ,” Nicky began, not quite knowing how to say that this was where the lengths his Portuguese extended themselves to. But luckily, he didn’t have to as he let out a soft and hurried _santamariamadredidio, cazzo_ running after a couple of stray photographs that had been caught by the wind, leaving Joe to catch on that he, too, was a tourist.

Chuckling as he watched Nicky flail in mid-air (rather endearingly for a stranger, he thought), reaching for the remaining photos, Joe replied “ _De nada_. Do you speak English by any chance?”

“Unfortunately, I do speak the wretched language,” Nicky answered, finally catching his pictures and taking the ones Joe had caught from his outstretched hand, fingers lightly brushing alongside each other, igniting a fire in Nicky’s chest.

“Then I have to ask you: why look at them here, when there’s so much wind? Truly, a recipe for disaster, if you ask me...” Joe once again chuckled, the ends of his words trailing off in hopes of learning Nicky’s name. As he waited, Joe began to take the other man in for the first time, who had a slight blush on his cheeks from… embarrassment, if he had to guess, from the whole debacle. He had short, brownish-blondish hair that was beginning to curl around the backs of his pierced ears. On top of this he had the nicest, kindest eyes Joe had even seen that melted his heart slightly. He was dressed in a loosely fitted t-shirt and had a hoodie tied around his waist. Now, Joe didn’t like to objectify people, but the jeans Nicky had on, fit… let’s say ‘perfectly’ and move on.

“Nicolò, Nicky- I’m Nicky,” He spluttered out but smiled at Joe nonetheless, too captured by the other man's kindness and beauty to even think about being embarrassed. 

“Joe,” the other replied, reaching out for a handshake.

As Nicky shook the man’s outstretched hand, he answered his previous question, “…I was excited. I’d…” He paused to sigh, wiping a hand down the side of his face, “I’d taken the pictures on a film camera, so I’d never seen them before.”

 _Fuck_ , Joe thought, _that was cute._ “I know it’s a bit… pretentious, but I just like it.” Nicky finished shrugging, still mildly scandalised.

“Did you get them developed around here?”

“Yeah, just… not far, that way.” Nicky gestured vaguely, now looking at Joe as his photos had been safely secured in their envelope.

“What are they of?” Joe asked intrigued, “Shit, sorry, I hope that’s not rude of me?” He cringed internally, breaking his gaze with Nicky.

“Not at all!” He rushed in reply, reaching out to touch Joe’s shoulder as if he’d disappear and never see him again. (WOW, Ok, Nicolò – we get it, you need a friend.) “I’d love to tell you, but I’ve not eaten anything all day… we could discuss it over lunch? Coffee?”

A grin that could have lit up the entire world spread across Joe’s face, “That sounds great.”

***

Ok, so, the thing was, he’d been travelling for a while and not held a decent conversation with anyone for a hot minute, thus, it was only natural to be starstruck by the _very_ handsome man (Joe! – his brain supplied in a voice that could only be described as swooning) that had helped return his photos to him.

 _Joe…_ he was gorgeous, Nicky thought. His smile could light up anything and pull it from darkness like a bright sun, whilst his eyes poured warmth into whoever gazed into them. They were a deep, soothing brown which left Nicky breathless. He looked so soft and cuddly in his worn grey jumper and equally soft looking joggers, Nicky could hardly leave the man after barely two minutes of talking to him.

Thus, blinded by Joe’s… Joe _in general,_ Nicky thought his brain to mouth filter wasn’t working too well as he’d asked _Joe_ out for lunch. _Kind of sounds like a date to me_ , one part of his brain had said, whilst the other responded, _How, pray tell, did that sound like a date?_

Anyway, he guided Joe towards one of his favourite lunch places he had found a few days prior, a hidden local haunt further away from the tourist spots, so it had taken quite the walk though it hadn’t proved a challenge. He and Joe had filled the time with almost constant conversation covering the merits of why _physical photos are just nice, okay?_ to just how severely punished people who protested with their entire chest that vinyl sounded better than literally anything else should be - Although of course it was all in good favour – in jest, if you will, merely them trying to make the other laugh, not an air of seriousness surrounding them at all.

As they reached the little restaurant, Nicky gestured at Joe to take a place in one of the plastic chairs outside.

“Are you going in to order?” Joe asked sat with his hand to his head, shading his eyes from the bright sun.

“Yeah, they pretty much only serve one thing,” He said pointing up to the board hung by the door which read _FRANGO PIRI PIRI_. “Wait! Do you even eat meat? If not, they do a great salad?”

“The chicken is fine, thank you.” Joe smiled up at him, “Can we get fries, too?”

“ _Certo!”_

***

“I must tell you,” Nicky began, gorging his mouth full of fries and chicken, “I am a strict vegetarian, however, _this_ ,” He gestured wildly with an empty chicken bone to his and Joe’s plates, “is the exception I have to make. Every. Time.”

“Every time?” Joe joked, smiling across at him.

“Every fucking time.”

“I have to say,” Joe began, his mouth also full of the chicken, “This is the best chicken Piri Piri I’ve even eaten. Shits all over Nandos. Those British people don’t know what they’re talking about.”

Nicky let out a boisterous laugh, covering his mouth quickly before he looked up at Joe. _God, his eyes,_ Joe’s mind involuntarily provided as he tried to commit that laugh to memory.

***

Some time had passed and the table had been cleared, leaving only two empty cups of coffee when Joe had finally asked, “So, you gonna show me your photos? Or are we gonna have to do this again sometime?”

Nicky’s joyful demeanour suddenly sank.

“I wish I could say yes, but I’m leaving tonight for Barcelona.” He replied almost sulking.

“Oh,” Joe began his smile fading from his face too, “Are you travelling on after Lisbon?”

“Yeah, for quite a while actually. At least, I think so.”

“No way!” Joe suddenly lit up, “Me too! Where are you headed?”

“I’m not sure yet,” Nicky trailed off seemingly still upset, “I got an Interrail ticket so… wherever the trains go to. I am aware how mildly,” he pauses to make a vague gesture with his hand, encompassing whatever it is he means to say with it, “that sounds,” finishing with a slight giggle.

“Don’t start singing that fucking _Journey_ song, Nicky, I swear to god…”

“ _Took the midnight train goin-_ No, I’ll spare you.”

Nicky laughed in full at Joe’s reaction, causing his heart to melt a tiny bit further.

“Well, at least give me your phone number so we can keep in contact… see if we meet each other any further down the line?”

“Of course,” Nicky replied, eyes sparkling.

***

They never did end up talking about Nicky’s photos. They’d spoken and spoken until the crowds had drawn out for dinner, leaving Nicky to check his watch at around eight-thirty only to mutter a short _porca troia_ before looking up at Joe with sad eyes. He had to leave right now if he had any chance of catching the train, he explained.

“Go, I wouldn’t want to keep you any longer.” Joe sighed, cursing himself internally for making his newfound friend late.

“You didn’t keep me. I wanted to be here.” He replied, reaching an arm out to cover Joe’s across the table. “I hope we meet again, Joe.”

And with that… he was gone.

Or so Joe had thought.

It was the next day and he was boarding a night train headed through Spain and then on towards Marseilles in France, when he entered his shared cabin and low and behold, a man – _Nicky! –_ was sat on the top bunk bed, sifting through his photos.

“Joe?!” He asked startled dropping them, immediately forgotten in his lap.

“I thought you were in Barcelona?” Joe said, the only thing his brain could provide for him that was slightly helpful in that moment apart from _itshimitshimitshim._ He was shocked to say the least; he didn’t think he was going to Nicky again.

“I missed my train… this was the next one.”

“You still headed to Barcelona?”

“I thought I’d try my chances in Marseilles…” He blushed, breaking their eye contact. Joe had said he was heading there to visit an old friend and that he’d be honoured if Nicky was thinking of dropping by (if he hadn’t got any plans, of course) so that they could continue their riveting conversation.

“Oh, really?” Joe laughed playfully, “Me too!”


	2. LISBOA-MADRID-MARSEILLE

Joe and Nicky were sat opposite and staring at each other on Joe’s lower bunk.

“How long have we been at this now?” Nicky asked, eyes watering profusely.

“Ha!” Joe exclaimed, “I will not let you trick me into losing again, Nicolò!”

“It has to be at least two minutes this time, right?” Nicky said, his right eye twitching in its last ditch attempts to stay open.

Joe just stared back, trying to hold in his laughter as Nicky progressively looked more and more uncomfortable until finally, he gave in, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his face into the pillow with a _Noooo!_ upon registering this great loss in his mind.

They had been on the train for a total of four hours now and the delirium of travelling for so long and at night had just hit them. Hence the staring contest.

At the beginning they had remained on their own bunks: scrolling through their phones, listening to music or flicking through books and magazines, until Nicky broke their comfortable silence by peering his head down to Joe and asking if he wanted to do something because _he_ had been staring at a wall for twenty minutes and couldn’t take it anymore. Of course, this elicited a laugh from the other man who at first had suggested Eye Spy which was quickly deemed a bad idea since it was pitch black outside their window, leaving their eyes with nothing to spy on. Luckily, he came up with a staring contest not long after, as that was the most interesting thing they could currently do, having exhausted all other activities for the time being.

Looking down at Nicky who still had his face pressed into the pillow, Joe let out a deep laugh.

“To answer your previous question: yes, we did last two minutes.”

“Ugh,” Nicky groaned pealing himself away from the pillow, “We really need to go to sleep.”

“Probably,” Joe gazed back at Nicky. “Oh,” He exclaimed quickly, making Nicky jump slightly, “Should we stop in Madrid tomorrow then take another night train?”

“I think that’s best rather than travelling for eighteen hours solid,” humming in response, Nicky stood up and made to climb up to his bunk.

“Where are you going?” Joe asked, peering around the edge so that he could see Nicky sorting through the plethora of things he had spread all over his bed.

“Getting my laptop. Do you want to watch a film for a bit?”

***

Joe could feel himself nodding off as the screen of Nicky’s laptop got blurrier and he felt his head lowering onto the other’s shoulder rather embarrassingly. With as much energy he could muster, he reshuffled himself casually, leaning his head back against the wall. He didn’t even know what they were watching; he’d found it hard to concentrate the entire time, his mind constantly wandering to the gorgeous man sat next to him, until those thoughts gave way to his own darker ones. His darker thoughts leading him to darker places as the night unrelentingly carried on.

Truth is, Joe had come to travel to… escape. From what, realistically, he wasn’t quite sure – he couldn’t see it in his mind’s eye. But he did know he just couldn’t do whatever he was doing before back home.

Maybe he was being dramatic. He probably was. There was nothing wrong with his life, really; he lived comfortably, he had a job, he studied (finally) what he’d always dreamed of studying, art history, at a great university… Regardless, he couldn’t help but find himself feel completely out of place and like wherever he currently was just wasn’t enough- or no, that wasn’t right, he just felt his life wasn’t what it should be, what it could be. He was unhappy. He felt like his life was a constant of him treading on eggshells. He wanted and _needed_ to be somewhere else for a while. And so, he’d literally tried to escape it for a little bit, planning a journey across Europe to finally explore the continent in which he lived and loved, much to the dismay of his family who hadn't even let know that he’d be leaving for a while. The spiel from his mother about ‘running from his responsibilities, or is it _yourself,_ Yusuf? What are you so afraid of?’…was waiting for him he returned, he was certain.

“Joe?” Nicky whispered, breaking him out of his thoughts, “Are you asleep?”

“Gnnnh,” He grunted out in reply, “Not quite. Time is it?” He finished with a yawn.

“I don’t know, but the film’s almost finished… we could sleep after that?” Nicky said, shuffling his legs against Joe’s as they were both currently squished next to each other on the tiny bunk, trying to see the screen of Nicky’s laptop.

“Sure.” Joe replied, certain that he would be able to keep his eyes open for a few more minutes, just until the film ended…

Needless to say, he did not.

***

Joe awoke the next morning alone in his bunk bed, the blankets brought up to his chin and the pillow underneath his head.

“Nicky?” He called out once he realised the room was too silent, too empty.

Getting up quickly from his bed, he scrambled to stand, only to see that Nicky’s belongings were still strewn over his bed. He let out a sigh of relief, sitting back down and rubbing his face with his hands.

_I’m way lonelier than I thought… I believe desperate is the word, Yusuf…_

Just as he began to contemplate his current pathetic train of thought, Nicky entered the room struggling to shut the door behind him as his hands were full with two coffee cups.

“Good morning! I thought I could bring you some coffee even if it’s going to be awful. Some caffeine is better than none, no?”

“Fucking lifesaver, thank you,” Joe grinned, making grabby hands for the cursed train coffee then immediately regretting his decision as he tasted the instant boiling hell that this train had deemed ‘coffee’. “Bleerrrgh, that is nasty.” Nicky just giggled – quite menacingly for a giggle actually, Joe noted, looking up at his friend whose eyes were sparkling with mirth.

“In case you were wondering, it’s just 6, we’re about to pull in at Madrid.” He said, climbing to his bunk and throwing his things back into his bag, which then suffered a mighty fall onto the train floor as he plonked himself next to Joe.

Joe smiled, “Anywhere you want to go today?”

“I have a couple of places in mind. But first, I need a real breakfast with a real coffee.”

Joe laughed, and _god,_ what Nicky would do to hear that again.

“There is one place I’d love to visit, if you don’t mind?”

“Of course, what is it?”

“I’m so sorry if it’s boring but TripAdvisor had good reviews and I love art history, so…” Joe said, the words tumbling out of his mouth. He’d known about the museum before but decided it would be better to blame it on TripAdvisor in case it bored Nicky to death.

“Joe,”

“Museo del Prado?”

“ _Certo_ , it was on my list, too.” Nicky smiled.

***

After they had found somewhere for a quick breakfast, a _real_ coffee and a sink to freshen up in (such was the life of travelling dirt cheap – rare showers), they headed over to the museum.

Wandering through the large rooms, Nicky felt wildly out of his depth as Joe gazed in awe at the paintings, leaning as close as he could get without the staff telling him to stop. He found it way too endearing for a guy he’d known barely a couple of days. He wasn’t quite sure why he’d felt such a connection with Joe in such a short amount of time – the man seemed so genuinely kind and soft and full of passion and love. Though maybe too much for his own good, Nicky thought as he had heard Joe’s restless shuffling and pained noises as he slept the night before. He hadn’t been sure of whether waking him was appropriate or not, so he had lain awake planning on how to make sure Joe at least had a peaceful and enjoyable day. He seemed just as tired and worn out as Nicky, if his restless sleep was anything to go by, so he thought he could do this much for him.

There wasn’t much kindness from strangers in the world, Nicky had always found, and maybe that’s part of the reason he liked Joe so much, even if he barely knew him – he’d simply helped him out when others had carried on walking by. Maybe it had touched him so much since he hadn’t felt such kindness for a long time.

“Nicolò, over here!” Joe, who was stood further down the hall in front of a huge piece, whisper-yelled at him.

Making his way over slowly, Nicky peered up at the piece. It was truly massive.

“What is it?” He whispered, even though he’d already read the plaque: _The Garden of Earthly Delights, Hieronymus Bach_ , though it hadn’t really told him anything other than the name. Nicky wanted to know the story.

“Hmm?” Joe asked in reply, appearing to have broken out of a trance.

“What is it?”

“Well, that depends on what answer you wish to receive,” Joe responded playfully.

Nicky considered his response and tilted his head as he looked at Joe, “What do you think about it? What in it has taken you?”

“Are you sure? I’ll be rambling pretentiously about the merit of creation otherwise.” Joe asked, looking hopeful yet fragile.

“Joe,” Nicky looked at him in the eyes, “If I wanted to hear something boring, I’d have picked up one of those audio tour guides. Go ahead, I’d love to hear it.”

Joe looked touched. Whilst studying, he’d gotten so used to not even analysing his own feelings on anything he saw, instead writing down what was the standard beauty of the piece (his professor’s belief so that he’d pass the class), when the real beauty in any artwork, Joe found, was what any individual thought about it, regardless of whether they ‘knew’ about art – he thought that was bullshit too. What is there to know about art other than somebody made this to go out into the world because they cared, because they had a passion for it? He didn’t know, maybe that was the hopeless romantic in him, but he couldn’t help but feel it in his heart of hearts. The real merit in anything for him was simply marvelling at things people had created with their own hands.

“Well,” He started spluttering slightly, not knowing how to verbalise his thoughts, “the fact that it’s so huge is incredible. I mean, the sheer time and effort put into this is astounding. And not to mention the colours and the amount of detail it has – can you see these strangely shaped, kind of, buildings? It’s pure imagination, I love it.”

“How someone just managed to even make this… it is truly incredible.”

“Yes! Exactly!” Joe exclaimed, beaming like the sun.

“Though I do have to ask, what have other people said about it? Something along the lines of religion and suffering and the story inside of it rather than-”

“Revelling in the fact that something so surreal like this even exists, especially from the time period it’s from?”

“That exactly, though I have to admit I don’t know much about art movements.”

“You don’t have to; you know how to appreciate it regardless.” Joe said, nudging his shoulder against Nicky’s.

Nicky was glad he’d made Joe’s day a bit brighter.

***

By the time they had finished in the museum _and_ the gift shop – Joe had bought himself an over-priced notebook, thank you very much, whilst Nicky had bought some postcards from a newsstand nearby – it was late in the afternoon, so much so, that Nicky had suggested finding something to eat before a walk in the Parque del Retiro.

“Mmmh, this is good,” Joe said pointing his fork at his takeaway container of a very Spanish rendition of mushroom risotto, as they sat themselves onto a patch of grass in the park. _Not as good as the view though,_ Joe thought in reference to both the park they were sat in and then Nicky, naturally.

He had decided earlier that day – after Nicky had asked and _listened_ to him talk about something he was passionate about with such care and kindness – that he was probably fucked from here on. He was beginning to like this man with the strikingly gorgeous eyes and an unexpected tenderness far too much for his own good. But there was another thing: he felt that Nicky was holding himself together in a much similar fashion to Joe himself: barely and with Scotch tape. He couldn’t exactly say why, though their brief discussion of why Nicky was travelling had him feeling that his reasons were also similar to his own. The fact that he didn’t even know where he was travelling to and changed his plans so quickly saddened Joe, especially since he was on his own – the whole idea felt horribly lonely, even though travelling solo is a totally normal thing to do. He supposed it was because in his case, it was because _he_ was trying to escape and Nicky… Well, Nicky had a sadness held in his eyes that Joe couldn’t forget about. He was definitely going to stay by his side for as long as he allowed him to.

“Shall we travel straight to Marseilles, or did you still want to visit Barcelona?” Joe enquired around a mouthful of his risotto.

“Straight to Marseilles. I didn’t really know why I wanted to go to Barcelona- I mean, I hadn’t really planned anything other than to see the sea, but we can do that in Marseilles.”

“That’s true, it’s still the Mediterranean… And we can force Booker, my friend, to let us sleep on his apartment floor, too.”

Nicky looked mildly scandalised, his cheeks blushing. “No, Joe, it’s fine I can stay somewhere else. I wouldn’t want to intrude- I- It’s your friend’s place, I-”

“Hey, honestly it’s fine – Booker needs the company if anything. Think of it as charity work.” Joe laughed, leaning over to grip Nicky’s arm in reassurance.

“Are you sure?” Nicky asked, worrying his lip, “I just, I don’t-”

“I am sure. I promise you. Look,” Joe said, leaning back and taking his phone out of his back pocket, “I’ll ring him right now. It’ll be fine, trust me.”

Nicky brought his hand up to his lips, the tension easing slightly out of his shoulders.

“ _Bonsoir, Monsieur Baguette_ ,” Joe said playfully, his eyes lighting up upon hearing Nicky bark out a laugh, “ _Alors, ça va?”_ He continued the conversation in French, most of which Nicky didn’t pick up purely because he was staring back at Joe and taking in his smile whilst he laughed and joked to his old friend over the phone.

A moment later Joe said his goodbyes and hung up the phone. “Do you by any chance speak French? Booker’s English was abhorrent the last time I heard, though his Dutch is great, so it might be a challenge to communicate with the bastard.”

“Yeah, I teach it.” Nicky answered.

“Really? That’s so cool! I’ve always wanted to teach a language. Where did you teach?” Joe asked, his interest piking.

“I, uh, used to live in France,” Nicky replied, looking slightly uncomfortable, “I taught night classes for foreigners… Couldn’t deal with teaching in schools. Teenagers.” He finished, shivering at the mere mention of _teenagers,_ seemingly trying to lighten whatever had come over him. “How do you know it?”

“I learnt to speak it growing up from my parents.”

“Oh, are they French? What’s your mother tongue if they taught it to you?”

“One we aren’t French, they’re Tunisian so they taught me Derja, their dialect of Arabic, but also the Modern Standard version, too, plus French - they were _very_ ambitious for me and my brother. And two I was born in the Netherlands, so I got Dutch as that, pretty much.”

“And naturally English on top of that impressive and exhaustive list since the Dutch are masters at language learning?”

“Yup!” Joe said, popping the ‘p’. “It’s got to be the geography – sandwiched between Belgium and Germany then England only over the channel.”

“That… would make sense.”

“So, Nicolò,” Joe said, drawing out the ‘ò’ and making Nicky’s eyes go soft at him, “English, French _and_ Italian? That’s pretty impressive if I do say so myself.”

“I can speak a little German, too. I lived there for a few years. And I’m very good at guessing Spanish, that's a lie I can kind of speak it.”

“How many places have you lived?” Joe asked, slightly amazed, his eyes wide, as he’d always lived in Rotterdam, only leaving to visit various family members in Tunisia and Booker in Belgium for short amounts of time, though he had moved to Amsterdam for university which was a welcome change into his life.

Nicky looked up and off into the distance trying to remember, “That many, huh?” Joe laughed.

“I moved around a lot as a kid. My mom she… I don’t know, she found it hard to settle so I’ve always found home in people not places.”

“That’s poetic.” Joe replied, moving his leg to nudge Nicky’s, bringing him out of his head.

“I guess… but to answer your question, five countries then various places.”

“Five?!”

“Yeah,” Nicky laughed, “Italy, I was born there, Switzerland, too since my mom was Swiss-”

“Is that where you learnt French and German, too?”

“French yes, German no – We stayed mostly in the Italian and French speaking parts.”

“So the German came when you lived there?”

“It did indeed. Next was Spain, I actually lived in Barcelona there, then Germany in Hamburg and then in France I lived outside of Brittany.”

Joe looked at Nicky, considering him for a moment, “Which was your favourite?”

Nicky brought his hand up to his lips again in thought, “I don’t know… Italy, Switzerland and Spain were always family places since I lived with my mom and family… and then I lived in Germany and France as an adult, so it was a completely different experience, I guess.”

“I can imagine…” Joe trailed off looking pensive, “It must have been difficult moving to entirely different countries three times as a kid, right?”

“Yeah, it was,” Nicky huffed out an emotionless laugh, “I didn’t have many friends growing up because I had to leave them when I left, but I always had my mom, you know? So she was the one constant in my life. That made it easier. Didn’t make me want to stop moving once I’d grown up though.” Nicky finished, picking strands of grass out of the ground.

They sat in silence for a bit, watching tourists wander around the park and relaxed themselves further into the grass, their meals long finished and forgotten as the sun had begun to set, drawing the day to a close. Nicky took out his camera, snapping pictures of a couple of buildings they could see from where they were sat. He turned his camera to Joe next, snapping a picture of his relaxed face. Joe was leant back on his hands, his legs outstretched in front of him, eyes closed and basking in the last few rays of sun for the day. As he heard the click of Nicky’s camera, he opened his eyes and laughed happily, leaning forward, closer to Nicky.

“Why’d you take that?” He chuckled.

“You looked happy,” Nicky said shyly.

“I am,” Joe smiled back at him, “Ow, spiky,” he muttered, putting his hand back down too quickly into the grass. “Where’d you live for the longest?”

Nicky looked up from checking his watch, “I’ll tell you on the way to the station, our train’s gonna leave soon.”

“Shit, is that the time?” Joe asked, checking his lock screen.

“Tell me about where you grew up on the way, too.” Nicky said, nudging his shoulder against Joe’s as he gathered up his rubbish.

***

They’d made it to the station with great time and found a cabin they’d share together for the night. On the way there, Joe had told Nicky about growing up in Rotterdam and how he’d regularly travel to The Hague and Amsterdam to see the museums when he was a kid – that was what had gotten him into art history and eventually into studying it. Nicky had told Joe in return how he’d lived in Italy and Switzerland for the longest as a kid and France as an adult.

_(“So, your last name’s Di Genova and you’ve never even visited?”_

_“That is, ironically, true.”)_

Walking into the cabin, he asked if Nicky wanted the top bunk again.

“Sure, only if we can watch something on yours – it’s cosier. It's like a bed with a roof.”

A few minutes later after they’d settled in for the night, Nicky threw his laptop then plonked himself down on Joe’s bunk, a blanket draped around his shoulders and wrapped around the rest of him like a cocoon.

“So what are we watching tonight?”

“ _Queer Eye_. I need the emotional support.”

Four episodes later, Joe found himself sniffling into Nicky’s shoulder, the other man’s arm wrapped around him, consolingly, he the one currently needing the emotional support.

“They’re just so kind and so good, Nicky,” He croaked out, wiping a tear from cheek.

“I know, Joe.”

“People being nice to each other always makes me cry and I don’t know why,” he continued deliriously, exhausted from the day’s events.

“Me too,” Nicky replied bringing his other arm around Joe and pulling him closer, before stiffening, “Is it okay if I hug you? I should have asked,” he finished, slightly embarrassed.

“Of course it’s okay, Nicky,” Joe said softly, “Can I hug you back?”

Nicky nodded in response, brushing his chin against Joe’s head slightly.

“Another episode before we sleep?” Joe said, checking the time in the corner of Nicky’s laptop screen. “It’s only 12.”

“ _Certo._ ”

***

As the sun started pouring through their carelessly left open curtains, Nicky awoke. He had managed to fall back against the wall and slide away from Joe in his sleep, his head uncomfortably squashed into his shoulder without a pillow. Though, he did note, their legs were still touching.

He was glad Joe hadn’t been mad about the hug earlier and also that it hadn’t been awkward after; Nicky felt embarrassed at the crush he’d managed to develop on a guy he’d met a couple of days ago who he had now decided to travel with and then stay in his friend’s house for the only foreseeable future he had planned at the moment.

He didn’t know where Joe was going next, but he hoped that he’d let Nicky come with him – he just didn’t want to be alone anymore. He had been for too long. Plus, he couldn't leave Joe now! He liked him too much for that.

And that was where Nicky cut his brain off, deciding that that conversation was not at all helpful, especially during the wee hours of the morning where any number of... thoughts could spawn themselves.

From the other end of the bed he heard Joe stirring, thus making him decide that he’d better actually sleep on his own bed before whatever this was got weird. But just as he moved, Joe sat up rather suddenly, gasping. Covering his hands with his face, he sighed loudly and let out a wounded noise that died in his throat.

“Are you ok?” Nicky asked, tentatively, eyes wide as he stared at the man.

Joe made no response.

“I’m sorry, I’ll leave you be…” Nicky trailed off, starting to move again.

“No, wait. Stay, I just…” Joe said, his hand shooting out to grip Nicky’s wrist before he could get away.

“Bad dream?”

Joe huffed out a laugh, “Anxiety dream,” He took Nicky’s hand in his and blushing slightly he asked, “This okay?”

“Yeah,” Nicky breathed out, leaning his back along the cool wall and turning his head to face Joe, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No… I don’t think I do.”

“That’s okay.” He said, rubbing his thumb across the back of Joe’s hand, “Do you want to go back to sleep?”

“I don’t think I want to do that either,” Joe said, pulling his free hand down his face and glancing up at Nicky. “But you could always show me your photos in the meantime?”

“I’d be glad too.” Nicky smiled, jumping up to reach his bag he’d discarded on his bunk earlier that evening. “They’re of the tiles? I went to the Azulejo Museum and then saw some more around the city.” He said sitting back down and flicking through the images so that Joe could see them.

“Wow,” He breathed out, “These are really beautiful.”

“I know, I love the designs so much-”

“I meant the photos, Nicky.” Joe brushed his fingers along his arm, “You ever taken any classes?”

“No, I-” Nicky said, blushing, “They’re not great…”

“They really are! Especially using an old ass film camera like that! To bring out all the colours the way you did… It’s incredible.” Joe finished excitedly.

“Well… thank you, Joe.” Nicky said, a small smile forming on his face which caused Joe’s own to grow even bigger.

They settled into a comfortable silence as Nicky continued flipping through the photos as Joe let out _Wow_ s and _This is really pretty, Nicolò_ , whilst he did so.

Before they knew it, the announcement was being made that they were to arrive in Marseilles in 30 minutes.

“We best get ready to go,” Joe yawned sitting up and moving reluctantly away from Nicky, “I’ll get coffees this morning.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ve gotta call Booker, too. Let him know we’re coming. He’s definitely getting us breakfast today.”

“Are you sure that’ll be okay?” Nicky asked still slightly uncomfortable; he really didn’t want Joe to feel like he had to be hospitable to Nicky out of obligation or something…

“His _grand-mère_ owns a bakery, trust me, it’s fine.”

“If you say so,” Nicky said, moving up from Joe’s bed to his own un-slept one to start gathering his things.

“See you in a minute!” Joe said as he walked out of their cabin in search of some shitty coffee, pulling his phone up to his ear and calling Booker. “ _Bonjour, Book - on arrive. Tu peux preparer le petit déjeuner pour nous?”_ _We’re on our way. Can you make breakfast for us?_

The way Joe had said _us_ had made Nicky’s heart go funny, which he supposed was a little bit pathetic but smiled about nonetheless, happy that he had at least made a good friend (for now) out of Joe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [here is the painting](https://www.museodelprado.es/en/the-collection/art-work/the-garden-of-earthly-delights-triptych/02388242-6d6a-4e9e-a992-e1311eab3609) joe was talking about, and [here is the place](https://www.cntraveler.com/activities/lisbon/national-azulejo-museum) nicky was talking about.


	3. MARSEILLE

Booker had met them at the train station, waving as they disembarked the train. He was a surprisingly tall man but had quite a mouse-like face, Nicky’s sleep deprived mind thought. He was wearing an all-black Adidas tracksuit, which would have set off alarm bells for Nicky upon seeing him on the street and out of context ( _was_ it a crime against fashion? He was yet to decide), if not for the tender hug he gave Joe, arms open and waiting for his old friend.

Surprising Nicky, he pulled him in for a hug after letting Joe go, leaving him to smile awkwardly at first then to relax into the stranger’s embrace.

“I’m Sébastien, but just call me Booker,” He said shaking Nicky’s hand after letting him go.

“Nicolò, but call me Nicky,” He replied easily, shaking his hand in return.

Joe gasped next to them, “Was that comprehensive English I heard there, Sébastien?” He grabbed Nicky’s arm, falling into him slightly to further imply his shock, making Nicky chuckle and grasp Joe, playing along with his little charade.

“Nile and I have worked at it for the past year and I wanted to surprise you,” The man rolled his eyes slightly.

“Ah, I see,” Joe began pulling away from Nicky slightly, but before his heart could drop at the loss of contact, he wrapped his arm around Nicky’s shoulders, gently pulling him along as they left the station.

“A language exchange, yeah.”

Joe laughed, “I wouldn’t say ‘exchange’, that makes it sound equal – _you_ definitely got more out of it than Nile!”

“You should appreciate my hard and gruelling work at this hell-language, Yusuf,” Booker bantered back. Nicky observed the two of them, loving the ease and comfort they obviously provided each other.

“Yusuf?” He said, looking up at Joe.

“Yeah! Joe’s just a nickname.”

“I’ll remember that,” Nicky smiled, reaching up to pat Joe’s hand, who gave a squeeze before letting him go. Booker looked happily at them.

“Oh!” He exclaimed, “Can I hold your bags for you? They must be heavy.”

Their bags were indeed heavy – they were huge rucksacks filled to the brim with clothes, passports, souvenirs and other essentials.

“Oh- No, thank you. It’s fine really-” Nicky began then cut himself off abruptly to laugh as Joe shrugged off his own rucksack and dropped it into Booker’s arms causing him to wheeze in sheer shock at the weight.

“Your washing machine's fixed, right?” Joe asked, also laughing at Booker’s display.

“Yeah, you can both use it whilst you’re here. You can use the shower, too. No offence, Joe, but you smell. Bad.”

“Hey!” He replied embarrassed, hitting Booker lightly on the arm as if to reprimand him.

“I stink, too. Can I use your shower, Booker?” Nicky cut in trying to make Joe feel less embarrassed, before his blushing cheeks reached the extreme red shade he had dubbed _pomodoro-intenso_. (They were currently only at a _sunburnt-carrot_ level.)

“ _Bien sûr_ , Nicky.” Booker smiled back.

***

As they reached Booker’s apartment, which was above his grandmother’s bakery, Nicky sighed in relief, dropping his bag down next to the sofa and pulling out fresh clothes.

“Is it okay if I shower before breakfast?”

“Of course, we’ll go down to the bakery after and you can pick what you like,” Booker said, showing Nicky the way down to the bathroom, which he needn’t have done as it could be seen from the front door, “There are towels in the cupboard!” Booker shouted back as he returned to the living room, Nicky shouting a _Grazie!_ in return.

Joe watched as Nicky walked into the bathroom and he threw himself on Booker’s old lumpy sofa, sighing as he relieved his feet of his body’s weight.

“I’m exhausted.”

“You look it, Yusuf.” Booker smirked, “I wonder why that could be…” He said in a sing-song voice, switching back to French and making Joe blush profusely.

Joe covered his face with a pillow and groaned, “One, he speaks French so that’s useless and two, shut up! It’s not even like that.”

“But you’d like it to be?” Booker questioned carefully, pulling the cushion away from Joe’s face.

Joe was silent for a moment, “Yeah, I would…” He mumbled quietly, not meeting Booker’s eyes as a small frown covered his face.

“That serious, huh?” Booker tried to joke.

“Please don’t-”

"Hey, come here,” he said, pulling Joe towards him in a hug as the other clung on for dear life, “You don’t have to be scared, you know? Nothing’s going to happen, I’m here to look after you.”

“I know, it’s just… I really gotta tell them and I don’t know how, and now I actually like someone, I just-”

Another reason as to why Joe had come travelling was to clear his head. Well, not to clear as such, rather sort out. The thing was, he was gay, but he just didn’t know how to tell his parents. Boiled down to it's bare essentials, it didn't seem like that much of an issue, I mean - it was simple, what he had to do to solve this issue: come out. The coming out itself, was much more difficult for him. The most frustrating part was that he _knew,_ deep down, that they would not care at all and still love and treat him the same – he just found it too hard to talk about the things he loved and wanted to love, he felt too vulnerable. And of course, there was always the paranoid voice in the back of his mind which provided him with the terrifying prospects of _what if… what if it all goes wrong? What if you were wrong? What if, what if, what if-_ Which had eventually built up so high, he couldn’t even fathom breaching it – not on his own at least.

“Shh,” Booker soothed, “You’re okay. Me and Nile love you, we always will, we've always got you, and I know you might not believe it, but your parents will, too.”

“Yeah, it’s just… I can’t quite get it into my head? I’ve worked myself up to this point where I-” He stopped himself, pulling back from their embrace and rubbing his hands down his face, “Can we not, right now?”

“Of course, you’re not here for me to give you therapy, this time.” Booker laughed.

“As if _you_ are licensed to give anyone therapy! You are the worst person to possibly come to for advice!” Joe tried to laugh back and changing the subject quickly, “How’s Adèle?”

Booker’s eyes widened almost comically as he replied laughing, “Finished. My fault. Mostly. Though, I am with someone new.”

Joe mock gasped, “So who, other than the angel that was your ex-girlfriend, is putting up with you now?”

Booker rolled his eyes as he took out his phone to pull up a picture, “This is Jules who has managed to put up with me for 2 entire months, are you proud of him?”

“I am extremely proud, god bless that man, how does he do it?”

Booker shoved his shoulder playfully and swiped to another photo of the two of them together at the beach, laying in the sun.

“He’s really hot.”

“Who’s hot?” Nicky responded in French, from the living room threshold, towelling his hair as his fresh clothes stuck tightly to his damp body.

Joe was enthralled and thus unable to respond, so Booker swooped in to save him.

“My boyfriend!” He said proudly, returning to English, thrusting his phone towards Nicky.

“He is hot,” Nicky said assessing the picture, “He kind of looks like an old ex-boyfriend of mine – Don’t worry, it’s not him,” He finished, towelling the other side of his hair dry.

Booker laughed slightly at Joe’s enthralled expression as he continued to stare at Nicky, who was apparently oblivious to the whole thing.

“Shall we go down for breakfast?” He asked, standing up and knocking on Joe’s head with his fist, who immediately broke out of his trance and threw his pillow in Booker’s general direction.

“Sure! What do you have in the bakery?” Nicky grabbed his phone from his bag and followed Booker to the door, “You coming, Joe?”

***

Now, usually, Nicky wasn’t one to eavesdrop… the situation was merely an accident. _Yeah, okay, keep telling yourself that, Nicolò._ He accidentally heard Joe and Booker speaking once he’d gotten out of the shower and started to dress. He didn’t strain to hear, but he heard Joe and he sounded upset, really upset and so he ended up hearing the tones at least of the whole conversation as he stood stock still dripping onto the bathmat. As soon as they started laughing and joking again, he made himself known and left the bathroom, drying his hair with Booker’s towel.

To slightly relieve his eavesdropping guilt (though it technically didn't count since he literally had no idea what they were saying), feeling like he’d somehow over stepped, he shared something personal to him and told them about his ex-boyfriend. Usually he found it difficult sharing things about himself, so he could at least make this effort. But, he did have ulterior motives: he had also said it to make it clear that he wasn’t straight – that was very important to him. He couldn’t go around and have people think he was straight! The horror!

Reaching the front door as he followed Booker, Nicky looked behind to see that Joe was still sat on the sofa, searching through his bag.

“You coming, Joe?” He asked, walking back to take his hand and pull him up and out of the apartment.

“Ah!” Joe yelped as Nicky hauled him up, luckily he grabbed his phone in time to be whisked away (literally and figuratively) by Nicky.

Nicky loosened the grip he had on Joe’s hand slightly, letting him know that he was welcome to let go, as they walked down the stairs and around to the shop front. Joe, however, clutched back and swung their clasped hands between them as they walked into the bakery.

“Sébastien? Have you brought me my Joe?” Booker’s grandmother exclaimed from where she was at the counter, handing a croissant over to a customer. Joe had met her one summer he'd gone to visit Booker and his aunts in Belgium, and ever since she'd been in love with him. 

“I have, indeed!” Booker crossed around to the pastry display, grabbing things for himself, Joe and Nicky.

“And who’s this my Joe has brought with him?” She asked.

“This is Nicky, Sylvie.” Joe smiled back, letting go of Nicky’s hand as he hugged her across the counter.

Nicky smiled at the display of affection and offered her his hand to shake, which she did so, very vigorously may he add, before he found Joe pulling it back into his grasp.

“Enjoy your breakfast, _mes chéries_!” Sylvie called as Booker herded them out of the shop and towards the sea front.

***

They had eaten their breakfast – well, technically brunch – along the sea front, Nicky and Booker fully acquainting themselves with one another, before briefly checking out the shops and heading to the supermarket to find something to cook for dinner.

Booker had decided that a tagine was an acceptable thing to cook since the way he did it (in a casserole dish) left it to be incredibly simple and difficult to mess up. So, a safe dish for him to be cooking his guests, Nicky had guessed after Joe had informed him of the time he had almost set himself on fire boiling pasta, once.

Later that evening, after they had eaten and had grown tired from laying on the couch watching old French sitcom reruns, Booker announced he was going to bed. He got up and bid them a _Bonne nuit, don’t talk to me until at least 11 am, please_.

“Wait, where are we sleeping?” Nicky asked, though Booker was already out of ear shot and in his room.

“It’s a pull-out bed,” Joe patted the sofa lovingly, “I can get the blankets and pillows whenever you’re ready.”

Nicky checked his watch, _12:38_. “Now would be great?”

In response, Joe got up and asked, “You know how to do a pull out bed?”

“Yeah? You pull it out?”

“If you could do that, I’ll go and find the stuff?”

“Sure.”

Nicky hauled himself up and got to work, pulling the bed out (because that’s how a pull out bed works) successfully. He had no upper arm strength and didn’t feel like embarrassing himself in front of Joe, so he was glad that had gone smoothly.

Moments later, Joe reappeared with a huge, plush blanket and a couple of pillows.

“Scooch!” He said, throwing the load onto the bed, making Nicky laugh as some of the blanket landed on his head.

***

They had been lying in bed for a couple of hours now and Joe couldn’t sleep. He was sure Nicky was having difficulty, too, with all his restless moving about and huffing and puffing when he couldn’t find a comfortable position. Joe hadn’t moved that much at all, but that didn’t stop his mind from whirring – the annoying thing was, it wasn’t even anything bad this time, his mind just wouldn’t shut the fuck up.

It was approaching the third hour when Joe called out Nicky’s name, a soft _Nicolò?_ leaving his lips in a whisper.

“Yeah, Yusuf?” Nicky replied, turning over to face his back.

“Can’t sleep.” Joe huffed out, rubbing his face into his pillow, blushing mildly in the same way that Nicky did when he called him Nicolò.

“Me too.”

A silence filled the space between them, Nicky breaking it a few moments later.

“Do you want to talk about something?” He reached his arm out tentatively and brushed it against Joe’s back, his the backs of his fingers smoothing over his soft, sleep-warmed skin.

Joe turned around, causing Nicky to pull his arm out of reach. He pulled Nicky’s hand back to his chest and hummed in response, fiddling with Nicky’s fingers in the moments after.

“Does Booker’s boyfriend have any German family?”

Joe huffed out a laugh, “I don’t think so, why?”

“He really looked like my ex-boyfriend – We were together when I lived in Germany about 4 years ago, now? I was just wondering because the resemblance is truly uncanny.”

Joe laughed at the image of two Jules-es, Jules-Clones, before he considered his next question. Upon deciding that Nicky’s breakup probably wasn’t an open wound if it was 4 years ago, he asked, “Do you have a picture? That would be funny if we showed Booker.”

“I don’t think I do… We were only together for 3 weeks so the time period to take a photo wasn’t that large. I also moved pretty soon after since nothing was keeping me there and I had the teaching opportunity in France. A complete loss of contact.” He said, bringing his other hand up to cover Joe’s, so that both of his hands were cradling his. “Do you by any chance have any lookalike exes? I think we could really freak Booker out with that,” Nicky grinned.

Joe took a moment to respond, squeezing his hand, “I, uh, don’t have any exes but I did know a guy called Jules once.”

Nicky decided not to push the no exes thing as he saw the vulnerable look in Joe’s eyes. “When’s your birthday?” He asked instead, changing the subject.

“Why?” Joe grinned.

“So I can get you a present.”

“3rd June 1996. When’s yours?”

“That’s soon and we’re the same age: mine’s 15th November.”

“It is soon, it’s in two weeks.”

“Is that why you’re travelling? A birthday trip?”

“I guess you could say that, yes.”

Another silence grew between them, Joe started fiddling with Nicky’s fingers again.

“Joe, where are you going to after here?”

“Well, originally Booker, our friend Nile and I were going to go to Milan…”

“Originally?”

“Yeah, I thought I’d ask if you want to come with us, too?” Joe said, peering up at Nicky through his eyelashes, his fingers stalling as he waited for a reply.

“I’d love to.” He beamed and Joe thought he could light the way out of a deep darkness with a smile like that.

Nicky stifled back a yawn and whispered, “Yusuf?”

“Yes?”

“I’m glad I met you.”

“Me too, Nicolò.”


	4. MARSEILLE (Part 2)

The next morning Nicky woke first, their hands had drifted apart during the night but the two of them were pressed together chest to chest so he couldn’t complain.

The sun streamed in from the cracks between the blinds, casting golden rays of light onto Joe’s sleeping face. Nicky pulled his head back slightly from his chest where he had nuzzled into in his sleep, looking at his sunlit face. He looked so soft and beautiful, his curls wild and frizzy from sleep.

Nicky had been mildly worried last night that this would be his last day with Joe as they hadn’t discussed where they were each going after reaching Marseilles, though he needn’t have worried – he at least had a few more nights with him if they were travelling to Milan.

Drawing him rapidly from his thoughts, several loud knocks came from the front door. Nicky turned to face it as if that would reveal the culprit breaking his peaceful morning, but alas, it did not.

“Joe?” He said quietly, trying to ease the man out of his sleep the best he could as he realised that Booker had not woke either.

Joe hummed, stirring, moving his head closer to Nicky.

“Joe?” He called out again, causing him to burrow further into his chest. He was going to die if Joe kept being this cute.

“Yusuf?” He said into the other’s ear, his lips brushing up against the skin, finally lulling him awake.

“Nicolò?” He slurred sleepily, looking up at him with sleepy eyes, “Is someone knocking the door?” He finished with a look of confusion. _How can someone even be this cute?_ Nicky’s brain screamed.

“I’d say banging. Threatening to shake the door from its hinges, even,” He noted the intensity the knocking had escalated to, bringing a hand up to brush through Joe’s curls.

“Gnnnnnh,” Joe groaned in dismay, hiding his face in Nicky’s chest for a moment before pulling away, “I should answer it before they wake Booker.”

Crawling across Nicky to get off the bed, Joe stamped towards the door grumpily and pulled it open muttering, _Sylvie, je t’aime mais…_ causing Nicky to snicker from where he had sat up on their bed.

Booker and Joe had informed him yesterday that Sylvie lived in the apartment opposite his and often barged straight into his place to wake him up before noon or to ask him to come down and help in the shop, which was much to Nicky’s amusement. He wouldn’t mind a surprise visit from Sylvie, he thought, she was a lovely woman.

“Good fucking afternoon, Joseph! I’ve been out here for 5 minutes!” Nicky heard a woman’s voice shout, who he could only assume to be the aforementioned Nile from Joe’s joyful shriek of her name as he jumped into her arms.

She was a gorgeous woman, clad in denim dungarees and a vest top underneath. Her white trainers were particularly impressive as they looked aged but were still a clean and fresh shade. She dropped her pin covered rucksack on the floor as Joe had grabbed her – the sheer amount of badges and pins she had on there was impressive: ranging from band logos to the ace flag – it had it all.

“I didn’t know you were coming now! I thought we were meeting you at the station later!” Joe said, fully awake now at Nile’s surprise visit.

“I was, but I thought I’d get here early. I missed y’all and I wanted to meet this Nicky Booker told me about.”

Nicky waved at the mention of his name, drawing her attention.

“Hi.” He yawned, still sleepy and warm in their bed.

Nile’s expression brightened even more as she saw him in the living room, “Oh my god, you have to tell me how you two met! Booker only said that Joe had brought someone with him!” She finished, bounding over and sitting herself on the end of the bed, next to Nicky’s legs.

“Well, we met in Lisbon about five days ago?” He asked looking at Joe for conformation, who started walking back towards the pair after closing the door, who nodded grinning. “I dropped my photos everywhere and he helped me pick them up, then we had lunch and a day later we ended up on the same train and now we’re here…” He trailed off.

“That’s crazy,” Nile commented as Joe threw himself back down on the bed, this time sprawling himself across Nicky’s lap drawing a laugh from him.

“What time is the train to Milan?” Nicky asked bringing his hand up to stroke Joe’s head again, who made a small happy noise in response.

Nile grinned mischievously at them, “Not until later tonight-” She started saying, cutting herself off as stomps up the stairs could be heard, and turned her head to face the door.

A moment later it swung open revealing Sylvie with a saucepan and a metal ladle in her hand, immediately making her way through the living room. As she walked past the three of them, she let out an airy _Bonjour_ , then marching into her grandson’s room, she started banging the saucepan and ladle against each other. Relentlessly.

Unconfined laughter raised itself from their chests as they heard Booker’s pained shouts and pleas to stop.

“So, breakfast?” Joe asked once he had recovered, sitting up and crossing his legs.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Nile agreed pulling herself up, “I’ll see you two downstairs!”

Suddenly Joe tackled Nicky into a hug with a growl, drawing out a laugh from the latter.

“What do you want to do today?” He asked pulling back to look at him.

“Can we see the sea again?” Nicky asked in return, titling his head to the side to look at Joe properly, his arms still wrapped around his neck.

“ _Certo_.”

***

The rest of the day had passed similar to the one prior: breakfast by the beach front, a chat amongst themselves for hours and a walk around the shops. However, this time they had Nile with them who offered to do their washing with Booker in afternoon so that they could go to the beach, like Nicky had asked. Joe snatched the opportunity by grabbing Nicky’s arm and pulled him out of the apartment before Booker could say no.

Sat on a towel a few metres away from the waves, Joe covered Nicky’s hand with his as the two of them stared out onto the horizon. Nicky smiled looking down and turned his hand to grasp Joe’s.

“Today has been lovely,” He smiled turning to look at Joe, who had already been gazing at him for a while.

“It really has,” He smiled back, rubbing his thumb along Nicky’s hand. “You know,” He began nervously, “We’re heading to Bern and then Bruges if you wanted to come with us, after Milan…”

Nicky’s eyes lit up, “I’d love to. Why those places, can I ask?”

“Of course you can,” Joe answered, turning to face Nicky and placing his legs into his lap, “Nile lives in Bern at the moment because that’s where she’s studying and Booker wants to go visit his Aunts who live near Bruges.”

“So that’s why she speaks French and he Dutch?”

“Exactly. Though Nile also speaks Spanish… I think that’s because her family lives in the US, she must have carried on studying after school, I guess.”

Nicky pulled their conjoined hands into his lap, making a noise of agreement.

“Have you ever been to Belgium?” Joe asked.

“I don’t think so. Have you?”

“Yeah, I've visited Booker and his family a couple of times in the summer."

They sat in comfortable silence, watching the waves roll in front of them until Joe asked, “Where do you live at the moment? Is it still in France?”

Nicky sighed leaning forward to press his head in Joe’s shoulder, “I’m… in between places at the moment. I don’t really know where I’m living.”

Joe pressed his head on top of Nicky’s in reassurance, waiting for him to continue if he chose to.

“I left France 6 months ago and went back to Italy, staying in Milan for a while… but it didn’t feel right, I didn’t know why I was there, so I moved to Switzerland… but that… I couldn’t stay there it reminded me of my mom too much, and I couldn't go back to Spain. So now… I’m here… with you.”

They sat quietly together for a few moments, Nicky trying to calm himself after having shared so much, opening a few unhealed wounds and Joe wondering how to ask his next question.

“Nicolò, is she gone?” He spoke softly and quietly, the sound of the waves lapping the shore nearly covering his question up.

“Yeah,” Nicky said screwing his eyes shut and pressing his head further into the crook of Joe’s neck, “She is.”

Bringing his other arm up to pull Nicky closer to him, Joe frowned. His suspicions he’d had in Madrid about his new friend had been confirmed.

“I don’t know where I need to be without her.” Nicky spoke gently. _But I feel like I know with you_ , he left unsaid.

“Why did you leave France?” Joe asked a while later as the sun had begun to set.

“I broke up with my ex-girlfriend… I don’t really know it happened really fast but… I had to leave; I didn’t know where I was there anymore if I didn’t have her.”

“Home is people not places.” Joe said, recalling what Nicky had said to him days prior.

“Yeah, you remembered.” Nicky sniffled a laugh into Joe’s chest.

Just as something close to calm had settled between them, Joe’s phone started ringing.

“It’ll be Booker,” He explained, “We gotta catch our train.”

“Let’s go, then.” Nicky replied, pulling away from Joe to stand.

“Hey, Nicky,” He asked, tugging on his hand slightly, “I’m sorry I brought that up, I didn’t want to make you upset.”

Nicky squeezed his hand, “Don’t worry about it, I had to think about it eventually, I’ve been avoiding it long enough. Anyway, I’ve got you now, right? I can always come find you.” He finished nonchalantly, folding the towel they had been sat on.

“Of course you have me,” Joe said, a small and vulnerable smile covering his face, moved by what Nicky had said to him. “You can always come and find me.”

“Let’s go get our things?” Nicky asked, holding his hand out to Joe and waiting so that they could walk back together.

“Let’s go,” He replied, lacing their fingers together.

***

“Do you have a place to stay planned in Milan?” Nicky asked turning to look at Joe.

They were walking to the station, hands still intertwined, trailing behind Booker and Nile who were caught in an animated debate about… something, arms flying wildly to aid their respective arguments, words in various languages flying everywhere, too.

“I don’t think so. We were going to look for a hostel once we got there. Why’d you ask?” Joe turned to look at him.

“I have some friends whose apartment we could stay in?” Nicky asked, palms sweating slightly at the suggestion. He only wanted to return the favour but didn’t know if Joe would feel comfortable or not-

“Really?” Joe replied, eyes sparkling.

“Yeah, I can call them if you’d like? I stayed there when I came back to Italy, I’m sure they won’t mind.” He relaxed slightly. His anxiety had slightly spiked after talking to Joe on the beach that evening as he couldn’t work out whether he had shared or said too much. Was he ridiculous for feeling like this? Half the time he couldn't even pinpoint why his anxiety was acting up. Though he supposed thus were the trials and tribulations of anxiety. _Definitely go and see a doctor when you get settled somewhere, Nicky, Jesus Christ-_

“Please do call them!” Joe laughed, squeezing Nicky’s hand before he let go to run ahead to tell Booker and Nile the news.

He picked up his phone and listened as it rang, waiting for her to pick up on the other end.

“Nicky? How are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m great, Andy. Can I ask you a favour?”

“Of course you can-” She was cut off, another voice shouting _Nicky! Hi! How are you?!_ Down the line.

“Tell Quýnh I’m good,” He chuckled hearing the two bicker as they presumably fought for the phone.

“What was the favour?” Andy asked after a moment.

“Could me and some friends crash in your apartment for a few days?”

Quýnh gasped in shock, “Nico, you have friends?”, whilst Andy just laughed.

“You expect us to _believe_ you have friends?”

Nicky rolled his eyes, putting them on speaker to pull up the camera app, “I do!”

He yelled a _Turn around, guys!_ at the three of them who all looked mildly shocked at his outburst but smiled once they saw the camera. (Nicky was biased, but Joe looked fucking stunning. His face was caught between a laugh and a grin and he waved at Nicky’s camera.)

“You get the picture?”

“Oooooh!” Quýnh squealed in excitement, “Who’s the guy with the curly hair?”

“That’s Joe,” Nicky replied, something in his voice must have given him away because the pair of them started cracking up again.

“The keys are under the doormat. Change the sheets before you leave.” Andy laughed, hanging up, but not before he heard Quýnh shout _No, b_ _urn them!_

Joe made his way back to Nicky’s side, “Do we have the place?”

“We do, indeed.”

“Whose is it?”

“My friends Andy and Quýnh’s. They won’t be there since Andy’s working in Istanbul at the moment, so that leaves enough beds for us all if you don’t mind sharing?”

Throwing his arm over his shoulder and beaming, Joe replied, “That’s more than perfect, thank you,” leaving a kiss on Nicky’s temple causing him to turn beet red.

***

They’d boarded the train with time to spare before it left. Nile and Nicky trying to find some seats so they could eat dinner, whilst Booker and Joe had gone off in search of cabins.

Nile sat across from him, staring for a moment.

“What?” Nicky laughed, shuffling in his seat slightly.

“You like him, don’t you?”

Nicky took at moment to consider this and given that it was useless to lie he admit it, “Yeah, I do. I really do, Nile.”

She smiled, leaning across the table to grab his hands with hers, “He really likes you too.”

“You’re sure?” He asked, his heartbeat increasing and hope building in his chest.

“Have you seen him around you? You’ve made him really happy, so however you plan to continue – do it with kindness, Nicky.” Her face hardened slightly, tightening her grip on his hands.

“Shovel talk?”

“Hopefully I won’t have to follow through.”

“You won’t have to. I mean it. I don’t want to hurt him.” He replied, a kind of desperation in his eyes.

“Good.” Nile squeezed his hands once more and sat back in her seat, “You wanna know when I clocked it?”

“The moment you walked through the door?” He asked, thinking back to Joe sprawled over his lap as he’d carded his fingers through his soft hair.

“That,” Nile laughed, “and the second he sat back down, how relaxed he was around you. He hasn’t been like that for a long time… So, thank you for looking after him.”

“He’s the one looking after me, I think.”

“Good, you can take care of each other,” A moment passed between them before she asked, “Now, I don’t know your living situation or if you’d realistically consider a long-distance relationship but… are you going to talk to him about it? I think even if it doesn’t last you can still make some nice memories now. Please be kind, he loves things too intensely for his own good.” She smiled sadly.

“I…” Nicky scratched his head. He knew they were going really fast and that this didn’t feel like hypotheticals at all, but he didn’t have it in him to care – he never did. He often did something the moment he felt like it without thinking much – he didn’t have to when it felt right and that was more than enough reason for him. “I’d consider it, I would do it – I mean. And besides, I don’t know where I’m living right now, so that’s a problem all on its own. But now I know you guys, I don’t think that’s going to be a one anymore.”

Nile cocked her head, confused slightly, “Nicky, I’ve known you since this morning and I live in a dorm room, I don’t think-”

“No! No that’s- I didn’t mean that!” He cringed slightly, “I always live wherever there’s a reason to be there, usually that’s people. So, what I meant was I have you all to… to anchor me now, right?”

“Of course you do! I’d love to get to know you more! If you're ever in Bern, come and say hi!”

A few more moments passed before she asked, “But what about your friends whose place we’re staying at? Do you not have them?” More out of concern that he had _someone, somewhere_ , to bring him back down, to pull him back to them than anything else.

“Andy works a lot between Milan and Istanbul – She’s told me not to ask her what her job is, so I’m not going to,” He laughed slightly, “I don’t even think it’s something illegal, but rather something she’s too embarrassed to admit, like saving horses – she doesn’t want to be seen as a softie… And then Quýnh’s mom is some high noble in Vietnam so she doesn’t have an official job, but she goes to work with Andy every day the same.”

“You get lonely when they’re not here.” She said, reading it off his face.

“I do. They’re the only people I had left I could turn to.”

“Nicky,” Leaning over to take his hands again, she began, “I know I’ve just met you but I’m glad I did, you’ve got us now, even if we’re spread all of the place, just know we’ll only be a call away. Joe trust you, so _I_ immediately trust you more than a stranger,” She finished laughing.

“Thank you, Nile. That really means a lot to me.”

“What are you two talking about?” Booker asked, strolling over to where they were sat with Joe behind him, face unreadable.

 _You okay?_ Nicky mouthed as Joe sat down next to him.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Joe turned to rub his face into Nicky’s shoulder, the other one smiling, “Are you?”

“Yeah, I think I am.”

***

Nile, that _cheeky_ fucker, had made sure Joe and Booker were still in earshot as she’d started speaking to Nicky.

_You like him, don’t you?_

_Yeah, I do. I really do._

_He really likes you too…_

And that was where Joe’s brain had stopped functioning, Booker smirking as he pulled him away and in search of empty cabins.

“Joe?” Booker cooed playfully.

Joe just hummed in response, still mildly shocked at the fact that he’d heard Nicky actually say that he _liked_ him. It was one thing to flirt and be (extremely) touchy with someone, but to actually have conformation in words? Shit man, he didn’t- he couldn’t- Brain fried. Brain empty.

“You good, Yusuf?” Booker said, coming up behind him and placing his hands on his backpack to steer him in the right direction.

“He actually likes me, Book.”

“He does, Joe.”

“Wow.”

Booker just laughed, “You gonna do anything about it?”

“I, um. I’d like to? I just-” He took a deep breath, “I’m just nervous, I never asked a guy out before.”

The thing was he hadn’t. He hadn’t asked a guy out before. Yes, he was twenty-three, nearly twenty-four, entire years old, but… He couldn’t. He was too paranoid around his parents; he couldn’t do that at home. He couldn’t do that to somebody. He’d had a couple of hookups at university parties, naturally, but never a _Relationship._ But now with Nicky… he felt that maybe he could, he wanted to. Or, he at least felt better about coming out since speaking to Booker about it face to face, rather than over the phone like the usually did.

“You think you can do it?” Booker asked out of concern, “I know it’s a lot for you, so I want to make sure you’re sure.”

“I am. I’m sure.” Joe nodded with a sense of finality, “I really want to kiss him.”

Booker clapped him on the back, “Well would you look at that,” He smirked, “There’s only two double beds left.”

“Fuck off,” Joe laughed, throwing their bags inside and locking the doors.

***

Walking back to the tables Nicky and Nile had snagged on their way in, Joe managed to catch the tail end of their conversation. It wasn’t totally new, per se, but to hear Nicky say he was lonely broke Joe’s heart. Cracked it like glass that threatened to shatter.

As he sat down in the seat next to Nicky’s, he looked worried. Shit, Joe’s face had given him away.

_You okay?_

Joe sat down, collapsing into Nicky’s side and rubbed his head in his shoulder. If he was going to ask him out, he was going to a least work up to it, so he might as well man handle him more than he already did. You know, get him used to the idea. “Yeah, I’m good. Are you?”

Looking up at his face, he genuinely seemed happier than Joe had seen him their entire time together, “Yeah, I think I am.”


	5. MARSEILLE-MILANO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a mild mention of homophobia/internalised homophobia on joe's part - it's basically him sad at the state of the world, but nicky makes him feel better with a soft speech. i'll mark with // so that y'all can skip the part if you'd like too - it isn't anything too dire, but can still be upsetting.
> 
> stay safe, look after yourselves!

The train had departed from the station a few moments after Booker and Joe’s return, leaving the group of them to talk and eat, until the sun began to set. Wanting some time to relax and get some good sleep (to pass the horrifying prospect of a 13 hour train journey), they’d headed off to their rooms for the night.

_(“It’s not that long of a trip.”_

_“It’s more than half a day, Nile!”_

_“It’s not the longest one I’ve been on.”_

_“Americans,” Booker tutted, earning himself a slap._

_“At least I’m not French,” She retorted.)_

As they reached their neighbouring cabins, Joe wiggled his eyebrows, “Keep it down in there tonight kids.”

“If I wanted to have sex with people,” Nile began, “Sébastien wouldn’t even touch the list with a ten foot fucking pole.”

“Good to know we all think Booker is still gross. Jules’ sanity will be in my prayers tonight,” Joe said solemnly before patting Booker on the shoulder consolingly. Booker perhaps was going to look offended or retort, but it appeared he reconsidered and shuddered once he’d finished, realising that he was kinda gross.

“Fair enough.”

“Good night!” Joe sang, blowing a dramatic kiss over his shoulder at Booker.

Nicky laughed, covering his mouth with his hand, his other pulling Joe towards their door.

***

“Nicky can I-”

“There’s something I want to-”

They burst out at the same time, both laughing at themselves. They were sat on the bed and bubbling with nervous energy – though, it was more excitement than fear behind their nerves, hope building in their hearts.

“No, you go-”

“Joe, it’s fine, you-”

They stopped again. Joe sighed and pulled a hand down his face, “Ok, I’ll go…”

Nicky sat and waited patiently as Joe stared fixedly at the bare sheet in front of them. He took his hand, after a moment, reassuring him that whatever he was going to say would be fine. Joe squeezed back, a confidence in his posture as he sat up and looked into Nicky’s eyes, breathing out and finally composing himself.

“I heard you and Nile earlier,” He began, a hopeful smile gracing his lips.

“Of course, you did!” Nicky said, eyes widening in realisation, smiling slightly at her antics,“I wondered why she was looking behind me as she spoke!”

“So just to confirm: you really do like me?”

“Yeah, I do… A bit too much than what is good for me, I believe.” Nicky grinned shyly, echoing Nile’s words about Joe.

“I really like you too, Nicky,” Joe whispered, bringing his hand up to touch his face as Nicky leaned into his warm palm, “Can I-”

He was cut off by the touch of Nicky’s soft lips brushing gently against his, then a firm pressure on his own as Nicky’s hand clasped the back of his head pulling them closer together.

“Is this okay?” Nicky pulled back, just enough so that his breath fell on Joe’s lips.

Joe responded by surging forward and crashing his lips against Nicky’s desperately, pushing them even closer together, their chests so close their beating hearts could be felt. He splayed his hands across Nicky’s back; one at the top near his broad shoulders and the other further down towards his waist. An urgency was present between them, but the kiss remained sweet and chaste all the same.

Humming into the kiss, Nicky wrapped a leg around Joe’s waist, hugging them even closer still. Overall, it was a good kiss; their closeness had contributed to that, but the best part was that they were going to be able to do it again, Joe thought as Nicky had pulled him in with his leg, not so encompassing with the chasteness of the kiss.

The cliched minutes or hours had passed between them before Nicky pulled back first, panting out of breath, pressing his forehead against Joe’s, still so close that their noses were touching and smiled. Joe let out a breathy whimper at the loss of contact, moving his hand from Nicky’s shoulders to his cheek again, smoothing his thumb along the soft skin, Nicky making a happy humming noise in response.

“I wanna take you on a date,” Joe sighed contentedly, licking his lips.

“Tomorrow?” Nicky asked, nudging his head at Joe’s playfully.

“Where should I take you?” Joe smiled, moving his hips to rearrange himself from underneath Nicky who still had his legs wrapped around him, causing him groan slightly at the friction he’d created.

“How about I take you to my favourite places?” Nicky suggested breathless, grinding back down, eliciting the same response from Joe.

“Do these places include at least one tourist hotspot?” Joe asked, smoothing his hand along the waistband of Nicky’s trousers and dipping his finger underneath to feel his skin, “I want the full Milanese tourist experience, Nicolò.”

“It’s a surprise, Yusuf… But don’t worry, I think you’ll like them,” Nicky leaned his chin forward and began kissing him again, this time considerably… less chaste.

***

For the rest of the evening, they took advantage of the double bed by laying _comfortably_ in each other’s embrace (instead of huddled and praying not to fall off the edge) and watched the remaining _Queer Eye_ episodes Nicky had on his computer.

In their current position, Joe held Nicky in his arms as they lay tilted towards the laptop in front of them on the mattress. Their legs were tangled just as their hands were, Nicky bringing their hands up to his lips.

“I don’t want to leave you,” He spoke, his words barely reaching Joe’s ears.

Joe stopped breathing (quite dramatically, may I add), realising for the first time that night that they would have to return to some sense of normality eventually. Their days travelling were numbered, but did that mean theirs had to be? His grip tightened on Nicky’s hand.

“I don’t want you to either.” He said, pushing his face into the other man’s hair.

“Yusuf?”

“Nicolò?”

“I- You’re really special. I think you’re the best person I’ve met for a while and I don’t want to lose you.” Joe’s grip tightened around him.

“I really don’t want to leave you, Nico,” He muttered into Nicky’s neck from where his face was hidden. “I know it sounds ridiculous. I know I’ve only just met you but…”

“It just feels right.” Nicky replied staring in front of him.

“Yeah.”

“What if you didn’t?” He said suddenly.

“What?” Joe asked confused.

“What if you didn’t have to lose me? What if-” He cut himself off to take a deep breath, “My job makes it really easy to move places, you know?” He said, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

“Language teaching?”

“Online, mostly. I have money saved, too. For when I’d find somewhere new.”

Joe sat up, Nicky sliding from his chest slightly, “Really?”

Pausing his laptop and turning to face Joe, still embraced in his arms, “I hope this isn’t too…” He paused, circling his hand in a searching gesture, but never finding the word, “What’s it like in Amsterdam?”

“I’ll be honest, it rains a lot, but the canals are pretty. There’s always plenty to do and other cities aren’t that far away by train. It is like any other city though, so you can expect both the perks and the disadvantages, I guess. You never really know somewhere until you live there.”

“Do you like living there?” Nicky asked, fiddling with Joe’s fingers, twirling his rings around, heart still pounding.

“I do, yes but sometimes it can feel a bit small… or like I need to be somewhere else. I don’t know if that’s so much the place than it is me…”

Nicky kissed his hand and waited for him to continue, “I at least have to finish studying before I leave. Not long left now, only a semester,” Joe said looking down and his and Nicky’s hands. “I guess I’ll either work in a museum or teach somewhere after finishing my degree.”

He sounded… unsure, or unhappy with the prospect.

“I thought you liked art history? Is it the jobs that you don’t like?” Nicky asked, his concern now fully directed at Joe, excitement forgotten.

Joe huffed, “I do love art history, though it was more about me just wanting to learn rather than thinking about career prospects afterwards… I think I wouldn’t mind those jobs, but I just don’t think I’d be happy _only_ doing them.”

“What would make you happy?” Nicky asked simply.

Joe pulled him to his chest and rolled onto his back, the other man becoming a firm and reassuring presence. He lay thinking for a moment, “Please… I… Okay,” He began, stalling, not with uncertainty but vulnerability – it was hard to talk about things he was truly passionate about, from the deepest part of his heart…

Nicky nuzzled his nose into the crook of Joe’s shoulder, his heart rate finally calming.

“I take extra classes at uni,” He began, pausing afterwards. Nicky kissed his neck softly encouragingly. “They’re art classes. I paint and draw most of the time… and my teacher really thinks I have potential. My work has been in some of their art shows and I’ve sold a couple of things online before… I think that’s what would really make me happy. Creating something or if I can’t do that professionally, at least _share_ how to create things with people.”

“Like teaching in schools or night classes, maybe?” Nicky asked.

Joe hummed in agreement, “Yeah, I think so…”

They lay there for a few moments more before Joe continued, “I don’t think my parents would have a problem with it. I mean, they’ve always done what they wanted to do: my dad teaching music and my mom becoming a counsellor even though her parents were old school and would have preferred if she’d done something part time like… to have more time for ‘motherly duties’… they are quite old, so it’s unfortunate, but to be expected…”

“That’s good about your parents,” Nick smiled into his neck.

“Yeah, I mean, my brother changed careers after like 5 years and as soon as they knew he was sure, they helped him as much as they could…” Joe trailed off, tensing slightly.

“I feel like there’s a but there concerning how they’d treat you?” Nicky asked, bringing his hand into Joe’s curls in an attempt to soothe him.

Scrunching up his eyes, Joe bit the bullet, “I haven’t told them I’m gay yet.”

Nicky’s hand stopped moving through Joe’s hair, something clicking in his mind… _I haven’t got any exes…_ Maybe Joe hadn’t felt safe- no, that’s not quite right, his parents sounded too much like they only wanted his happiness… Maybe Joe hadn’t felt like he could, felt like he could let himself without telling them…

“Please say something, you’ve gone quiet,” Joe mumbled worriedly.

“From what you’ve told me, it sounds like they only want you to be happy.”

“You really think so?” _You'll think it will be okay?_

“They’ve always done what they wanted to do for themselves, right? They’ve supported your brother once they knew that’s truly what he wanted… Why would they treat you any differently?”

“Now I feel stupid when you say that out loud to me,” Joe cringed, hearing someone actually reassure him, who didn’t know his parents the way Booker did, and coming to the conclusion that his coming out would be positive made him feel better.

“They’re educated people who truly want their children to be happy no matter what that may look like, I would find it strange if that happiness came with conditions for them.”

“It’s not that I never want to come out… I’ve just got to work up to it, you know?”

“Yeah, I do.”

**//**

“Sometimes I still get really scared, too… With all the what ifs and the fact that we don’t have basic human rights in like most countries…”

Nicky squeezed him and kissed his neck, making Joe tear up. _How could anyone think this to be wrong?_ \- Luckily, Nicky’s response cut him off, “They are children. They know nothing, the people that pose those laws and do much worse against us in order to harm us. Those who use the weak excuse that hurting us is for the sake of something holy? How can doing that to people simply loving one another be in the name of something holy? Religion is about love and care ultimately; I don’t understand how they’ve become so twisted as time has passed. And those that do it out of ignorance have even less of a foot to stand on, ‘ _It’s just wrong’_ – grow up. Hating people for no reason is not valid.”

**//**

Joe tightened his arms around Nicky, _his Nicky_ , he thought now, hopefully he was his. Nicky pressed a long kiss, almost in defiance, to Joe’s collarbone, nipping slightly before he snuggled his head back in the crook of his shoulder.

“How did you come out to your mom? I’m guessing you did?” Joe asked sniffing and bringing an arm up to wipe his eyes. He was unsure of when Nicky’s mom passed or if he’d ever had the chance to tell her… Joe hopes that he did. He wouldn’t be able to deal with it if he never let his parents know or they died before they knew that part of him…

“It was never really a thing for me, luckily.” Nicky said, pulling back from Joe to look him in the face. “I decided to just introduce a boyfriend or a girlfriend to her if I had one and let her do thinking.”

“And that worked?” 

“Yes, I mean, it was less of an issue, I suppose, because she was bi, too. I knew she wouldn’t have a problem… that didn’t make it any less nerve wracking, though,” Nicky huffed out a laugh at the end. “Though I shouldn’t have spent all that time worrying because when I introduced my first boyfriend, she just winked at me and carried on stirring the pasta.”

Joe giggled at that, the image of a mildly terrified teenaged Nicky introducing his first ever boyfriend to his mother who just winked in response, carrying on cooking as if she hadn’t turned his entire world upside down.

 _Maybe I should do the same,_ Joe thought.

“Maybe you should,” Nicky smiled, his hand had found its way back to Joe’s curls, tugging on them gently as Joe’s eyes widened.

“Fuck, I said that?”

“That, you did, _caro mio_.” Nicky said, leaning down to kiss him first sweetly but quicky escalating to roughly, their tongues clashing not a second after. He tightened his grip in Joe’s hair, coaxing a moan from him and then a whimper from Nicky upon hearing the noise. Joe growled playfully, pushing Nicky up from his chest so that they were both sitting again. Nicky pulled himself closer, wrapping his legs around Joe’s middle again, sliding his hands up the back of his shirt.

Joe pulled away for air a few moments later, his lips a bright, swollen red, and his hair mussed from Nicky’s grip, “If you get to call me _caro_ , I get to call you _habibi_.”

“ _Certo, tesoro,_ ” Nicky hummed, leaning back in for a kiss.

“Ugh! You’re going to kill me if you carry on!” Joe laughed, but inside his heart was melting a little.

“ _Cuore mio._ ” Nicky whispered into his ear, leaving a trail of kisses in his beard.

Joe smiled, “I’m not having sex with you for the first time on a train!”

Nicky pulled back laughing, “That would be quite upsetting… Especially for Booker and Nile next door.”

Joe looked at Nicky and took him in; hair all over the place, red lips and blown pupils, a great smile on his face, and a look which finally seemed to brighten his entire being, “Let’s take a photo.”

Nicky raised his eyebrow.

“No, not- Of us, now together – you just look so happy.” Nicky looked soft and looked at Joe in return. Yeah, he wanted to remember right now.

“Camera or phone?”

“Phone, I wanna see it straight away.” Joe grasped Nicky’s elbow and rubbed it tenderly.

As per request, Nicky got out his phone and finally took himself off Joe’s lap, sitting beside him. He pulled Joe as close as he possibly could and positioned the camera with his arm outstretched above them, but just as he was taking the picture, Joe pressed a huge, sloppy kiss onto his cheek.

“Joe!” Nicky cried out, returning the favour.

“Lemme see! Lemme see!” Joe said making grabby hands for Nicky’s phone.

Nicky pulled up the photo and beamed, showing it to Joe who pulled him back into his arms.

“I love it.”

***

“Where are you taking me tomorrow?” Joe asked, his nose pressed into the back of Nicky’s neck.

Nicky’s back was pressed up against Joe who had his arm wrapped securely around the other man and a leg tucked under one of Nicky’s. They’d lay down to sleep twenty minutes before, awkwardly at first as neither of them had the courage to ask if they could hold each other. It was Joe that made the first move, reaching his hand out to brush Nicky’s shoulder and asking the question.

“Hmm?” Nicky made a sleepy noise.

“Did I wake you?” Joe frowned, kissing his neck in an apology.

“No,” Nicky snuggled back, “I was just comfy.”

“Where are you going to take us?”

“Well,” Nicky began, taking Joe’s hand in his, “There’s a bookshop I really like where you can get drinks too; I think you’ll like it… Obviously I’ll take you to _Il Duomo_ and we can walk through _La Galleria Vittorio Emanuele_ , if you’d like? And then… there’s a few clubs I remember being fun.”

Joe smiled into Nicky’s neck, “That sounds lovely.”


	6. MILANO-BERN-BRUGES

“Woah,” Nile breathed out upon walking into Andy and Quýnh’s apartment, “This is _nice_. How do they afford this?”

“I imagine Quýnh’s parents help some.” Nicky replied, hauling his and Joe’s rucksacks off to the spare room. “You and Booker are welcome to take the master, however, if you don’t want to share a bed again, one of you will have to sleep on the sofa.”

“I think we’ll be fine with the master…” Booker shouted from Andy and Quýnh’s room, “This is _insane_!”

Their room was quite spacious, but that wasn’t the most impressive thing about it: the bed was fucking _huge_. Like, _massive_.

Joe laughed, following Nicky into their much more modestly sized room. White paint covered the walls, but they were not left bare, he noted, with various film posters and paintings covering up the empty space. A small bookshelf was placed in the corner, filled to the brim with books with various languages covering the spines – Vietnamese, Italian, Greek and Turkish were the main contenders. The bed in this room was considerably smaller however it looked extremely cosy with a heap of folded blankets and pillows left in the centre.

“This is nice,” Joe said turning to look at Nicky who had flopped down onto the bed.

“It is.”

“Was this your room?” Joe lay next to him and grabbed his palm softly, tracing his fingers upon the lines.

“It was whilst I stayed here, yes. A few of those books were mine, I believe.” He hummed, rolling over to squash his face into Joe’s neck, sighing with content as he did.

A few moments later, Joe’s phone rang, making him jump slightly. Trying his best not to disturb Nicky, who he was pretty sure was dozing, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and answered.

“Hi, mom,” He yawned in Arabic.

“Good morning, Yusuf. You sound tired, did I wake you?”

“No, I just got to the place we’re staying at in Milan. We’re going out soon.”

“Oh, yes! How are Booker and Nile?”

“They’re great thank you, I’ll tell them you asked… Booker has a new boyfriend and Nile’s still enjoying her studies…” He trailed off looking down at the man on his chest, “There’s someone else who’s joined us too.”

“Oh?”

“His name’s Nicky. I met him in Portugal.” He said, stroking his hair behind his ears, eliciting a happy noise from him.

“That’s lovely! Are you having a nice time? Is he being kind to you? Where is he from?”

Joe laughed, “Yes, I am having a nice time,” He stopped to press the gentlest kiss onto Nicky’s forehead, “The best. He is being very kind to us and he’s Italian.”

“Ooh, Yusuf! Is he good at cooking? You should get him to cook for you all… I do love Sébastien, but his cooking is appalling.”

“I don’t know yet, I’ll have to ask him. Though Booker has improved tremendously in the cooking department. Especially since you shared yours and papa’s tagine recipe.”

“I’m glad. It’s a wonder he survived without that grandmother of his. Don’t forget to send us some photos whilst you're in Milan! I’ve heard it’s a lovely city and we want to see all these adventures you’re having, Yusuf.”

“I’ll make sure to take some today. Nicky knows the city, so they’ll definitely be interesting!”

“Lovely. I’m looking forward to those photos. Take care of yourself, Yusuf. We love you.”

“Love you too, mama.” Joe said, clicking the screen to hang up and placing his phone in an empty space next to him.

Nicky’s grip tightened on Joe, “She sounds sweet. Your mom.”

“She is, you’ll love her,” He said without thinking, tensing slightly at the implication that Nicky was to meet his parents.

“I hope I do like her…” Nicky moved so that he could see Joe’s face, “Are you still taking me to meet her?” His eyes looked soft and hopefully at the question.

“Of course. I was heading back to Rotterdam after Bruges, anyway. I don’t think I’d leave you with Booker’s aunts… They’re very chaotic.”

Nicky smiled, leaning in to kiss Joe’s nose, “I’m going to have a shower and then we can go get breakfast?”

Joe grinned playfully, “Why don’t I come with you? You know, to save the water and the bills.”

“Yes, because they are clearly hard up for cash. Such a generous man, Yusuf. And environmentally friendly, too. Wow, I’ve really caught a good one.” Nicky snorted, pulling him up off the bed with him.

“I do try my best.” Joe nodded solemnly, Nicky cracking up at his response.

***

Throughout the day, Nicky had done as promised; he’d taken them to places well known and loved by many, as well as his own favourites, Joe taking many photos along the way. One of those places was a bookshop hidden between the main tourist hotspots and the residential areas. It wasn’t only a bookshop, but part-café-part-Italian-bar.

Bookshelves lined the walls up until the ceiling and were filled to the brim. Joe took in his surroundings, mouth open, “I’ve never seen a bookshop like this before…”

“If you want anything to drink let me know and we can sit down afterwards.” Nicky smiled, squeezing his hand and pulling him into the shop.

Booker and Nile had headed straight for the bar and struggled their way through ordering _un aperitivo_ each as Nicky looked on laughing slightly.

“I’d say go and help them, but this is very funny to watch.” Joe snickered next to him.

Nicky took one last look at a very distressed looking Booker and chuckled as he pulled Joe on. _They know how to operate Google Translate, I’m pretty sure they’ll be fine… Probably._

“Hey Nicky,” Joe said, kissing his cheek, “Do they have any poetry here?”

“Yeah, I think it’s near the back.” Nicky blushed and pulled Joe in the direction.

“Thanks!” Joe smiled, kissing him on the cheek once more, “Now go forth elsewhere, I’m getting you a present!”

Nicky’s eyes lit up, “I’ll find something for you too!”

“Meet you back at the table?”

“Yup!”

Joe watched Nicky jog off towards the front of the shop before turning to the shelf in front of him. _I hope they have what I’m looking for…_ He thought, guessing his way through reading the spines. His French could only get him so far with guessing other Romance languages, but luckily, he was a fantastic guesser. (That and the fact that around 90% of French words had cognates with Italian ones...)

***

Nicky had joined a very grumpy looking Booker and Nile, a book for Joe and an espresso in hand. Upon seeing their expressions, he laughed, nearly spilling his coffee.

“Traitor,” Nile muttered, sipping on her drink and looking at Nicky through playfully squinted eyes.

“How are your drinks?” Nicky asked smirking.

“Great, no thanks to you,” Booker laughed.

“I would’ve really loved to help you, but Joe needed me to show him something…”

“And I thank you for it greatly, _habibi_ ,” Joe said, leaning down to kiss Nicky’s temple, taking a seat next to him.

Nicky went to show Joe his book excitedly, “I found one that has the painting we saw in Madrid, so you can remember one of the first places we visited.” He finished beaming.

Joe looked soft. His eyes crinkled around the edges, an extremely soft look in his eyes shining in the sunlight, and a small smile, dimples hidden by his beard. “Thanks, Nico.” He leaned over to hug him, pressing his face in his shoulder.

Nicky brought his arm up to wrap around Joe’s shoulders, giving them a squeeze then pressing a kiss into his hair.

“I’m saving yours for later.” Joe smiled, pulling back from Nicky’s shoulders.

“Oh?”

“It’s a surprise!”

Nicky just grinned, “I bet I’ll love it.”

“I hope you do.” Joe twiddled his fingers nervously. Once again, he felt he could have gone too far with his ridiculously romantic poetry choices so he decided he would save the book for a few days… maybe that would make a difference?

“I know I will.” Nicky said quietly, leaning closer so that only Joe could hear.

***

Joe was breathless.

He was pressed up against Nicky, dancing and sweating heavily in a club Nicky had dragged them all to. Arms wrapped around his neck, Joe pulled him even closer and pressed his lips into the sweat dripping down Nicky’s neck.

The lights were low and only coloured strobes that moved in time with the music lit the room. Joe, as it happened, was quite enjoying the music and was going to have to ask Nicky if he knew who any of the artists they were playing were. He'd decided he quite liked the Milan club scene.

The reason they were pressed so closely together now _was_ because they’d wanted to dance with each other, but also because one very persistent man had been flirting with Joe all night, despite Joe not being able to understand what he had been saying. Needless to say, Nicky swooped in and pulled him to the dance floor by the hand and made it very clear that, well, he wasn’t wanted, but not before muttering a _vaffanculo, stronzo_ leaving him with a very affronted look on his face.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Nicky said, pressed close to Joe’s ear about twenty minutes after the incident.

“I am now,” He laughed, “He began to mildly alarm me the more he started to enunciate his words as if that would help me understand him better. It did not. You’ll have to teach me so I can tell assholes like him to fuck off if we ever come back.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I did.” Nicky smiled toothily, the lights covering his face and making him look even more bright, Joe thought. “When do you want to start?”

“With the Italian lessons? Now! What better time to learn that whilst I’m here with a very handsome man who’s offering to teach it to me?” Joe leaned into Nicky further and grinned.

“You,” Nicky began, pulling back to look Joe in the face, “Are flattering me.”

“Is it working?”

“I believe it is.” He said, leaning in and pressing a kiss on Joe’s lips.

***

Collapsing on their bed with a sigh, Joe pulled out his phone as Nicky undressed next to him and got ready for bed.

“I better send my mom those photos. The ones you took of me and Nile outside the cathedral were great, I bet she’ll love those.” Joe said selecting all of the day’s photos and hitting send, not bothering to look through them since Nicky was shirtless next to him, a sight which was definitely more worth his time.

“Where are we headed tomorrow?” Nicky asked, curling up next to Joe.

“Bern and then straight to Bruges,” Joe brought his arms around Nicky to bring him closer, “It’s going to be extremely boring so I’m looking forward to reading the book you got me.” He finished smiling.

“Shame I don’t have yours to read…” Nicky said, brushing his hand across Joe’s chest, “I’m glad I left a few of my books here now.”

“I’ll give it to you soon. I just wanted to wait for a moment… it means a lot to me and I wanted to share it with you. The poems are… my favourite things I’ve ever read and I needed to emotionally prepare giving them to you.” _I needed to make sure you’d be ok knowing that I think that of you…_

“They’re going to be beautiful. You’re someone who can articulate things you’re passionate about in a very… wonderful way. I have no doubt what you’ve picked for me is just as beautiful.”

Joe pressed his face into Nicky’s hair, unable to respond verbally. _God, this man!_

*******

“I’m going to miss y’all so much!” Nile said pulling back from hugging Booker and moving on to Joe.

They had arrived at Bern that afternoon the next day, having spent their morning on the train conversing and eating – much like their ride to Milan.

“See you soon?” Joe asked, pulling back slightly teary-eyed from their embrace.

“Of course! Don’t cry on me, Yusuf, I can’t take it!” Nile said, sniffing, “Come here, Nicky! Don’t think you’re getting away without a hug.”

“It was great to meet you, Nile.” Nicky replied into Nile’s shoulder.

“If you’re ever in Bern, come and say hi, okay? I mean it. I like you, I'm seeing you again.”

***

Getting back on the train as they made their way towards Bruges, Joe’s phone pinged. It was a message from his mom. He sighed slightly, having to close the book Nicky had bought him the day prior.

“What’s it say?” Nicky asked, leaning on Joe’s side to peer over his shoulder.

Joe clicked the phone open and read the message, his heart stopping or speeding up, he couldn’t quite tell, as he read it.

“It’s my mom… She…”

_Oooh! Who’s that one, Yusuf?_

The text had come in reply to one of the photos Joe had sent the evening prior. It just so happened that the photo she had replied to had been one he hadn’t meant to send. It was the one of him kissing Nicky’s cheek they had taken on their way to Milan.

“I accidentally sent her the photo from the train.” He breathed out anxiously.

“Hey,” Nicky said looking up at him and taking his free hand, “It’s okay, right?”

“Yeah, I just wasn’t quite ready…”

“What’s happening?” Booker said, leaning over the table in between them, pulling a headphone out of his ear.

“Joe sent his mom a photo of him kissing me.”

“Ah, I see.” Booker nodded solemnly, “Remember when I outed myself?” He finished, poking Joe in the arm.

This seemed to calm Joe a bit as he sniggered at Booker, “How could I forget, my dear friend?”

Nicky looked perplexed and so Booker so kindly filled him in on the time he outed himself to his aunts as they’d walked in on him having sex with a boyfriend.

“The worst part is they carried on after they left!” Joe snorted.

“Wait, wait. So, they came in and had an entire conversation with you whilst you two were sat their naked and you carried on when they left?” Nicky said, unable to hide smile.

“Yes! What else were we supposed to do?” Booker said, almost outraged.

“You weren’t even embarrassed?”

“Well, it was to be expected at some point! You can’t live in a house with your guardians without something horrifically embarrassing happening at some point! Anyway, they’re lesbians, they expect the chaos.”

“You have a point.” Nicky conceded, leaning back and swinging an arm around Joe.

“You going to send a reply?” Booker asked.

Joe pushed his phone in the middle of the table and got them all to lean over so that the tops of their heads fit in the frame and took a photo.

_Mama_

_Oooh! Who’s that one, Yusuf?_

_That’s Nicky!_

[IMG.0929]

_On the way to Bruges! :)_

_Have fun! Let us know_

_when you’re on your way_

_back home! xxx_

“I think she liked our photo.” Joe smiled and relaxed back into Nicky’s arm. Things had finally started to feel a bit clearer, a bit better in his head. _Yeah, I can do this_.


	7. BRUGES-ROTTERDAM

_“Ik heb jullie zo gemist!”_ Booker yelled as he jumped off then train and ran into his aunts’ arms. _I missed you so much._

“We’ve missed you too, Sébastien!” One of his aunts said, hugging him in return, whilst the other stroked his head softly.

Joe and Nicky stepped off the train hand in hand and walked over to where the three of them stood.

“The one hugging him is Lina and the other is Kaatje,” Joe whispered into Nicky’s ear. _“Hoi!_ How are you two? _”_ Joe asked, Nicky staring blankly at them all as he tried to guess at what they were all saying, Booker smirking as he saw Nicky’s expression. _Revenge!_

“Don’t think you’re getting out of that one so easily, Joe!” Kaatje said, eyes sparkling upon seeing their intertwined hands, Lina laughing at her wife’s brashness, “Who’s this?”

“This is Nicky, he’s my boyfriend.” Joe smiled proudly, tightening his grip on Nicky’s hand, who smiled back at him as he did.

“Well, aren’t they both lovely?” Lina grabbed Joe and hauled him in for a hug, Kaatje moving to shake Nicky’s hand.

“If we have lunch now, we’ll have enough time to get you back for your train.” Booker cut in, sensing his aunts would dote endlessly over Joe otherwise.

“The café?” Joe asked.

“Where else would we go?”

***

Their lunch consisted of a _very_ chaotic ‘who can eat their sandwich the fastest?’ contest and a lovely chat between them all. Kaatje and Lina’s minimal English and Nicky’s complete lack of Dutch proved for some very interesting miming, Joe and Booker apparently content to sit and watch them struggle as the charades became progressively more intense. This proved all the more infuriating once Nicky asked if they spoke French and both responded with a very enthusiastic _Mais oui!_ , causing Booker and Joe to laugh even harder at their needless suffering.

Booker’s aunts drove Nicky and Joe back to the station, Nicky making the promise that the next time he was to see them, he would at least be able to hold a decent conversation in Dutch. They said their goodbyes, Booker and Joe hugging for at least five whole minutes, reassuring each other they would see each other soon, before Nicky grabbed Joe’s hand and whisked him off towards their platform making sure that their train couldn’t leave without them.

As they sat in their seats, Joe pulled out his phone and took another photo of him and Nicky to let his mother know they were on their way. This one had Joe holding his thumb up to the camera with a goofy smile on his face as Nicky looked at him reverently. His mom would definitely like that. Hopefully they would arrive in time for dinner.

Joe looked up from his phone and saw Nicky sat rigid and frozen staring down at his.

“What is it, _hayati_?”

Nicky titled his phone and let Joe see the screen, which didn’t prove useful since it was a text message in Italian.

“It’s my uncle, he wants to talk to me…”

“Did you live with him before…?”

“Yeah, in Spain…” Nicky trailed off, eyes fixated on the screen. "That's why I couldn't go back."

“This is good, right?” Joe asked, his arm reaching out to hold Nicky’s.

“Yes, I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.” His face started to break out into a small, hopeful smile, his hand coming up to cover it.

Joe leant over and kissed him on the cheek. “What’s the text say?”

“‘We miss you, Nicolò. We can’t keep doing this anymore. We’re sorry and we hope you are, too. Visit whenever you want.’”

Joe laughed, “That’s rather abrupt.”

“That’s why it threw me!” Nicky said chuckling, leaning closer towards Joe, “I know he means well… That’s just the way he is. I’ll have to call him later.”

“I’m glad.” Joe beamed. At least Nicky had people he could go to again… He even had new ones too! Things had started to look up. _Fucking finally!_ Joe thought, his heart beating in his chest at the reminder that he was going to tell his parents this evening. He thought he may sound naïve, or cheesy, or, or – something else, but he felt that with Nicky at his side… he would be okay. He hoped he would be able to say that long into the future.

***

They were stood outside Joe’s family home, staring at the door. Nicky took Joe’s hand for a gentle squeeze.

“Are you ready, _amore mio_?” Nicky began to untwine their fingers.

Joe grabbed on, bringing Nicky’s hands to his lips where he left a feather light kiss, “I’m ready.”

Lifting his free hand, Joe knocked the door. Not a second later, his brother swung it open.

“Joe!”

“Nadir?” Joe jumped into his brother’s arms, “I haven’t seen you for ages! I didn’t even know you were coming!”

“I wanted to surprise you!” He finished, pulling back from Joe’s embrace, “This must be Nicky.” He smiled, reaching his hand out for Nicky, pulling him into a hug too.

Nadir looked surprisingly like Joe, except his nose was narrower and his beard was stubble instead.

“Yeah, that’s me.” Nicky had an awkward look on his face that made Joe burst out laughing.

Nadir lead them inside and told them that Joe’s parents were out… _somewhere_ currently, and wouldn’t be back until later.

“We’ll go and dump everything upstairs,” Joe said pulling Nicky behind him by the sleeve of his jacket, “See you later!”

Nicky chuckled as he followed Joe upstairs, hearing Nadir mutter about _My own brother hasn’t seen me in months and he just leaves? Horrendous behaviour, truly…_

***

Once they were in Joe’s room, Nicky asked, “How’d he know to speak to me in French?”

Joe laughed, “I sent my mom a text after the Bruges incident saying French or English to avoid another cursed situation like that.”

“Oh, you’re so kind,” Nicky mock swooned, batting his eyelashes at Joe, who still looked taken anyway and leaned up to kiss him.

“Can we go out for a bit?” He said once he had pulled back, a slight look of anxiety on his face. It had just once again hit him that he was about to come out. It was mostly nervous-excited energy, but some fear remained. He supposed he wasn’t going to be able to get rid of that until he did it.

“Sure. Coffee?”

“Perfect.” _Coffee is probably not the best idea if you’re anxious, Yusuf,_ he thought, screwing his face up, causing Nicky’s expression to go soft at the sight, “Maybe just a walk instead?”

“Whatever you like,” Nicky leaned up to kiss his cheek. Pulling back, his lips lingered on Joe’s skin before he said, “Yusuf, I promise you this will be great, okay?”

Nicky brought his hand to Joe’s curls and brushed his fingers through them for a moment, Joe leaning into his touch, “Yeah, it will.”

***

Joe had ended up taking Nicky to a local park he used to play in when he was a kid and they were sat on the swings, their hands clasped in between them.

“Do you mind if I call my uncle?” Nicky asked, chewing his lip nervously, his free hand fiddling with the swing chain.

“Of course!” Joe brought his other hand over to cover Nicky’s, changing his position on the swing, “I can stay if you want me to?”

“I want you to stay,” Nicky squeezed his hand back.

For around twenty minutes Joe sat and listened to Nicky’s half of the conversation – from what he could understand anyway – and what he didn’t, Nicky filled him in on. He heard about the great loss Nicky’s mother’s death had brought to the family but how it had also driven them apart. Nicky’s uncle and his aunt – both his mother’s siblings – had wanted him to come home to Switzerland for the funeral and to live with them for a while. The thing was, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bare coming home without falling apart at the seams. And so, he’d left. Without a word. For France, where he had stayed for five years.

The year before her death, he and his mother had lived together in Germany and grown closer as a result: they were the only other person they had anywhere near them. This was the first time they had moved somewhere without family nearby. In Spain there had always been Nicky’s uncle, Switzerland always had Nicky’s aunt and Italy always had his father’s parents.

It had been a car accident that had killed her. A careless, mindless accident. Something that had happened in mere minutes…

Nicky couldn’t do anything afterwards… but he knew he needed to move far away. He couldn’t stay where she had died. And so, he had been offered a job in France and he took it. And he didn’t look back. And at the time, it had cost him his family.

He admits he could have dealt with it better. He could have reached out to them – better yet, he could have reached out and explained. But one year turned into two, then into three and four and now the fifth was upon them. It just got harder, much harder with time.

But they could have come to help him, too. They could have apologised, too.

A brief break to their silence had occurred towards the third year as Nicky ran into his aunt, which resulted in a screaming match in the middle of a busy French street and had not helped to resolve anything.

The whole thing was a mess, Joe decided, a family lost in grief, mourning their mother, daughter, and sister… so naturally, things were difficult. And if he had anything else to say on the matter, Joe thought something else was underlaying here… but he didn’t want to push Nicky, for now it wasn’t his business, so he sat and held his hand, acting as a lifeline.

The only important thing was that now, Joe supposed, they had reconciled. Everything too far under the bridge for it to even be water – it had evaporated, Nicky said to Joe.

Ending the phone call, he pulled a hand down his face and sighed. Joe made to stand in front of Nicky’s swing and pulled him into his chest. Nicky’s face smushing into his jumper.

“You okay?”

Nicky wrapped his arm around Joe’s waist and pressed his face further into his stomach for a while before answering.

“Exhausted. I definitely feel better though.”

Joe leant down and pressed a kiss on his head, “You hungry? My mom’s probably back by now…”

“Starving. Let’s go then, _tesoro_.” Nicky replied, standing up to press a lingering gentle kiss to Joe’s lips, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek, rubbing his thumb across the soft skin.

***

“Yusuf al-Kaysani!” Joe’s mother bellowed as he and Nicky re-entered the house, “Why didn’t you call your poor mother to tell her you’d arrived?”

“Please don’t talk in the third person, you know it’s weird, mama.” Joe said, dropping Nicky’s hand and walking over into her embrace.

“I talk however I like, and you’d know that if you called me!”

Nicky sniggered taking in the affair. Joe was wrapped up in his mother’s arms and smiling contentedly. She had her hand pressed gently on top of his head whilst the other squeezed the life out of him.

Whilst he wasn’t looking, Joe’s father sneaked into the hallway and appeared next to Nicky, who jumped slightly in response.

“You must be Nicky!” He smiled reaching a hand out to shake his, “I’ll be stealing you in a minute to help me cook dinner, if that’s alright?”

Nicky looked nervously over to Joe who looked mildly alarmed at him, “Sure. What are we cooking?” He replied, shaking the man’s hand in return.

“No! Don’t make Nicky cook! I’ll help you, he’s our guest.” Joe protested running into the kitchen before his father could have Nicky working in there.

“It is great to finally meet you,” Joe’s mother said moving towards Nicky and immediately pulling him into her embrace.

“Uh, hi,” Nicky awkwardly hugged her back, causing Joe and his father to laugh, witnessing the scene from the kitchen.

“Hello,” She said in return, pulling back and looking at him with the biggest, brightest smile Nicky had ever seen (apart from Joe’s, though he supposes she's where he gets it from). “Come with me, I want to talk to you.” She continued, guiding Nicky into the living room.

_Now that doesn’t sound threatening at all…_

***

As they sat down to eat in Joe’s living room, his parents and brother on the sofa, him and Nicky squashed up against each other on the loveseat, Joe was bubbling with nervous energy as he wondered what his mom had spoken to Nicky about. They hadn’t had a moment alone since she had, so he was left to fester in his guesses. He wasn’t stupid, well – unobservant, as his mother had kept smiling at him and Nicky… so she had probably figured it out. The thing was he just wasn’t sure, and he couldn’t be until they _said something_ , so needless to say, he was a little nervous.

Nicky had his thigh pressed up against Joe’s in reassurance as he balanced his plate on his other one.

Standing up when both he and Joe had finished eating, Nicky took their plates into the kitchen, Joe’s father and brother going with him.

“Joe?” His mother patted the seat next to herself, “Come sit here.”

 _Why is that so terrifying?_ “Ok,” Joe breathed out, wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans as he sat next to his mother.

“Nicky is lovely, isn’t he?” She said bringing her hand up to stroke his head, pulling him into her side.

Turning his head further into her shoulder, Joe replied, “He is, mama.”

“I warned him, he definitely won’t break your heart now, don’t worry,” She smiled.

“So you know then?” Joe looked up at her, his eyes vulnerable.

“Of course I do, Yusuf! You sent me a photo of you kissing his cheek and then another of him looking extremely love-lorn as he gazed at you! You’re not at all subtle, _habibi_.”

“So you don’t mind, then?”

She took his face in her hands, “Yusuf,” She looked him in the eyes with a ferocity, “I do not. It does not bother me in the slightest that you want to date men.”

It was like a dam broke within him, tears started rolling down his face and soon he couldn’t stop, falling deeper into his mother’s embrace. Years, _years_ of weight finally lifted off his shoulders.

“Really?”

“Yes! I love you no matter who you love; you are my son. What kind of mother would I be if I did not?”

A few moments later, Nicky rushed back into the living room, “Joe, are you okay? Is he okay, I head him crying?” His face scrunched up in worry, relaxing once he saw Joe curled into his mother who gestured at him to sit with them.

Joe grabbed Nicky’s hand as he sat down, “I think I need to lie down right now,” He said sitting up. Nicky thought that he _did_ , he looked absolutely exhausted and drained.

“Ok, I’ll stay down here.” Nicky said smiling, squeezing his hand, “You look exhausted.”

“What? No, come with me.” Joe’s eyebrows were scrunched up adorably in confusion as he very stubbornly held onto Nicky’s hand and began to pull him with him.

Joe’s mother chuckled, walking into the kitchen to help the others with the chores.

“ _Certo_ ,” Nicky smiled, following Joe up to his bedroom.

*******

Later that night once the sun had set and the stars were bright in the sky, Joe held Nicky in his arms, his hand pressed over his love’s heart and his nose flush up against the nape of his neck, breathing softly.

“I don’t want you to go,” Joe barely breathed the words out from his lips, brushing lightly against the soft hairs at Nicky’s neck.

Nicky furrowed his eyebrows, “What?” He whispered almost as softly.

“I’m going home tomorrow and then… where are you going?” Joe’s eyes filled with tears threatening to spill over onto Nicky’s neck. He couldn’t have that. He pushed himself closer up against him, burying his face completely in the junction between his shoulder and his neck, breathing in his scent and committing it to memory.

A small _oh,_ left Nicky’s lips.

He turned around in Joe’s arms, careful to stay inside his embrace. “One of my students messaged me today when you were getting dinner ready, after your mom had spoken to me,” He brought his hand up to stroke Joe’s hair, _God, I hope I can do this forever,_ “Her school has an opening for modern foreign language teachers – since it’s a language school – and since I’m qualified, I thought it would be good experience… I didn’t have that in-person teaching job for long in France and it would be nice to teach pupils face-to-face, again.”

Joe’s grip tightened on Nicky, squeezing his ribs. _He couldn’t leave, not now, not when Joe-_

Nicky continued, “I have heard that Amsterdam is a lovely city-”

Joe cut him off, smashing his lips into Nicky’s and holding his face between his hands like he was going to disappear if he let go. Joe surged in deeper, wrapping himself around Nicky like a spider monkey and finally, pulled away breathless, tears – now of joy – dripping down his cheeks, Nicky’s fingertips brushing them away.

“It will be even better with you there, _ya amar_.” Joe smiled cautiously, not wishing to overstep and still so fragile, picking up Nicky’s hand to play with his fingers, kissing his knuckles one at a time.

“I know it will, _amore mio_ ,” Nicky smiled back, pulling him in for another kiss, slotting their lips together perfectly. Finally, _fucking finally_ , letting them both know that he was going to stay. Not only for Joe, but for himself – he’d found a new place he thought he could call home. _(Joe.)_

Joe pulled back, his forehead still flush against Nicky’s and breathed out, “I know this is soon, way too soon, but I love you, Nicolò.”

Nicky pushed his head against Joe, smushing their noses together, “I love you too, Yusuf.” He titled his chin forward to kiss Joe once more and quickly started to deepen it, his tongue brushing up against Joe’s just _so_. Nicky ran one hand up to Joe’s neck and cupped it softly, the other down towards his waist, fingers dipping below the line of his underwear and stroking at his skin.

“Nicolò, Nicolò,” Joe gasped, pulling back from their kiss, “I cannot have sex with you in my childhood bed.”

“Why? Are the walls thin?” Nicky smirked, pressing himself up against Joe and drawing out a soft moan.

“Way too fucking thin!” Joe playfully growled, laughing into Nicky’s ear as he smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

Relenting, Nicky fell into Joe, “I do just want you to know, though,” He said, tender all of a sudden, “That I do love you… a lot… and that I’m scared at how much I do.”

Joe kissed the side of his head, “I’m absolutely terrified of the way I feel for you… it wasn’t just that… I mean, you listen to me when I talk about the things that I love and the things I’m terrified about and you _care_ about them too… You hold me and comfort me so tenderly so that I feel like I’m going to melt into you forever. I feel so close to you, but I can’t explain why, I just know that it’s there…”

They lay there wrapped in each other’s embrace, hands smoothing along arms and backs, lips pressing warmly against bare skin, lulling each other to sleep.

“Yusuf?”

“Mmh?”

“Will you help me look for somewhere to live tomorrow?”

Joe smiled into Nicky’s hair, “ _Certo_.”


	8. EPILOGUE

_SIX MONTHS LATER_

**AMSTERDAM**

Joe and Nicky had just moved in together. After months of dating, Nicky settling into life in Amsterdam and his new job, Joe finally finishing university (having gained extra credits in fine art) and finding a job as an art teacher to teach kids as an after school club as well as selling his own stuff as a side gig, they'd decided they wanted to live together. After all, their lives finally had some semblance of routine and structure, why couldn't they live together?

Their first night together, as they had lay in bed, stroking each other's hair and enjoying the other's gaze, Joe had given Nicky the poetry book he'd bought for him all those months ago in Milan. The page of the poem dog eared inside as he had handed it over to Nicky with a smile on his face.

Since he'd bought it in Milan, the book was in Italian which seemed to touch Nicky more as he teared up reading it, diving into Joe's arms and pressing kisses all over his face. (Since Joe had bought it, Nicky had started teaching him Italian, so it was nice to read it like that... At least he didn't have to guess as much as when he read the original Spanish text...)

"This is gorgeous how did you find it? You really mean that about me?"

_...I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,_

_Secretly, between the shadow and the soul..._

"All that and more, my love."

Needless to say, the sex that night was fantastic. _A great way to spend their first night in the new apartment_ , Joe had thought.

***

Nicky's job was going quite well, too. He'd settled in at the language school and was their resident Romance language expert. He could now speak decent Spanish since he'd stolen some lessons from the very kind and generous Maria, their resident Spanish teacher, and he was a _very_ good guesser when it came to Portuguese. He'd also stolen some of Aart's Dutch resources and could hold a decent conversation with Booker's aunts, much to their surprise as he and Joe had rang them one day.

Since he had spent so much time around Joe and his family, he'd made it his personal mission to learn Arabic. He could pick up a lot of the words they flung around at each other when he and Joe visited at the weekend, but he was yet to tackle the alphabet or the Modern Standard variety. But, once again, he was of the opportunity to be able to steal resources from work, so he'd at least start that soon enough.

One thing that had surprisingly brought Nicky joy was the feeling of being settled in one place he knew that he was going to stay for a long time. 

He'd decorated his and Joe's apartment with Joe's paintings, typewriter copies of poems they'd typed out for each other and pictures of them and their friends covering the walls. The famous one that had essentially outed Joe taking pride of place, of course. Other iconic images such as Nile and Booker shouting at each other in Milan as they both held melting _gelato_ in their hands and Andy and Quỳnh from their apartment in Istanbul. And of course, Nicky's tiles from Lisbon - the very thing that had brought them together in the first place - were covering their bedroom walls.

One night, after Joe had come home from work, paint covering his clothes, as they were laying in bed, Nicky had wrapped himself around Joe and whispered, "I finally feel at home. With you. Here."

"Right now?" Joe pressed a sloppy kiss on his forehead, Nicky giggling slightly, eyes shining at Nicky's statement.

"Yeah, in your arms." Nicky looked up rolling his eyes at his own remark, making Joe frown adorably in protest, "And here, with you, in this city... I don't think I've ever truly felt that before, so, thank you, _cuore mio._ "

"The pleasures all mine," Joe smiled softly, kissing him deeply yet vulnerably, "I don't think I've ever felt this happy in my life."

"Good job I dropped those photos." Nicky's eyes flickered up to the wall above them that held the very images, and brought his hand up to trace the outline of Joe's face, tenderly stroking his beard covered cheek as he did so.

"I'm very glad you did." Joe's teared up slightly as Nicky's hand reached the corner of his mouth as he pressed a kiss against his love's hand.

**Author's Note:**

> if you don't know what poem joe gave nicky, [yes it's the neruda one](https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/sonnet-xvii/) marwan sent greg. i love that poem, i stand and live by it.
> 
> comments and kudos always greatly appreciated if u wanna leave one!
> 
> i'm [sharkspeer](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sharkspeer) / [distressedjoni](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/distressedjoni) on tumblr if anyone wants to say hi :)
> 
> thanks for reading <3


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